


Feels Like Home

by JBlinger



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-21 11:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 25,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14914632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JBlinger/pseuds/JBlinger
Summary: Just Bin and Dongmin being best friends for life and inseparable, no matter how much the world tries to get on their way(Rated teen for language and a few punches, other than that it's fine)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Here I am filling the Binu tag for the first time. I've worked at this fic for months and I'm terrified of posting it but well. I worked hard, I have to do something with it at least.  
> This is reaaally loosely based on AM by One Direction  
> One important thing: I looked up the Korean College system on the internet and tried to make it as accurate as possible, I'm sorry if it's not though, I trusted what I found online lol (and yes, Law school requires 2 years of training before the actual course so I'm sorry Dongmin bear with it!) same goes for the few things that are there about military service.  
> I proofread it but I'm not a native english speaker so if you find any mistake feel free to point them out.  
> Without further ado, enjoy!

From what Bin remembered, Dongmin had always been there. Even in his very first memory (he was 3, stumbling in the park with the other kids and their mothers) he could recall a little boy, older than him, laughing as he tripped on his way to the swings. That was Dongmin. Then, he remembered him at school; they somehow always ended up in the same class, and when they looked at each other realizing they were together again they just laughed.  
That wasn’t what made them become friends though. It happened when Bin was 9 (Dongmin was 10, and that made him somehow wiser than Bin. The boy could barely stand that); they were old enough to hang out in the streets alone, but apparently none of them was allowed to cross the main street, which was always full of cars running way past the speed limit. Too bad that a brand new game shop had opened – _exactly_ on the other side of the main street. With the bravery (or stupidity, according to Dongmin) that only 10-year-old kids can have, their group of friends decided to ignore _The Rule_ and cross that street, the thought of new videogames too appealing to be ignored.  
«Guys seriously, it’s just a game shop» Dongmin was saying «We have plenty of them here».  
«You’re just being a coward» Bin said, and was hurt what he saw in Dongmin’s eyes? «Everyone is going, if we cross the street all together no one will run over us»  
«Bin is right» another kid, Minkyun, said. «And it’s not just a game shop, it’s _new._ Who knows what kind of new games we’ll find!»  
Long story short, Dongmin was convinced. He kept on Bin’s right the whole time, even if the boy was not sure as to why.  
It turned out that the game shop, as Dongmin predicted, was nothing special. Yes, they all got a Captain America sticker which they happily stuck to their cheeks, but apart from that there was no sign of new games or new consoles. The boys were a bit disappointed –they broke a rule for a sticker, really?- but now they had no other choice than to head back to their block together, and they were doing a good job at it until Bin made them all stop.  
«I…need to use the bathroom» he said, his cheeks as red as a cherry tomato. The boys groaned, and one of them spoke.  
«Hold it in, kid! We have to head back home now anyway!»  
«I can’t! I’m going to the first public restroom I can find and I’ll be quick, promise!»  
«Whatever, we’ll leave you here if you go!»  
«I’ll stay» all heads turned to face Dongmin- the coward Dongmin, standing up to help the kid of the group (being the youngest wasn’t necessarily always at his favour). Bin had never felt more grateful.  
The others just shrugged and turned to cross the street, while Bin almost fully bowed to Dongmin («Thank you so much, hyung!») and then rushed to find a bathroom.  
When he returned, with his sweatpants slightly loose and reaching past his shoes, he found Dongmin exactly how he left him, standing with his cheeks red and looking as pretty as always (the boys often teased him because he was pretty as a girl, apparently they thought it was funny and degrading, Bin just found it true).  
«You’ll stumble and fall with your sweatpants like that» Dongmin said, smiling faintly at him.  
«I’ll survive» Bin stated, turning his gaze to the street. «How exactly do we cross that alone?»  
Dongmin turned too and stared at the cars for a while, as if they could give him an answer.  
«We should hold hands» he said after a bit «that, and I walk ahead of you. I’m taller, they’ll see me better and slow down».

So that’s what they did, and they were nearly going to make it. That’s when Dongmin’s words became true again (seriously how was that boy _always_ right?) and Bin tripped, falling down in the middle of the street.

What happened next was very fast- all Bin remembered later was a scream, an harsh pull and seconds later he and Dongmin were both on the ground, Bin on top of him, panting and looking scared as ever.

«I told you» Dongmin said, once he got his breath back. «I told you that you were going to fall…»

«You saved me» was all Bin could answer.

«I did…yeah».

That was the moment when Bin knew he had found his best friend for life.

«I’m not calling you a coward anymore» Dongmin just laughed.

 

 

It only took a couple of months, and none of their school friends remembered a time when Bin and Dongmin were _not_ together. Best friends for life, that’s what they were: wherever Bin went, Dongmin went too and vice versa. Even when Bin had to take long car trips to go take a photo shoot somewhere (he was a child model and Dongmin could see why he was chosen. Despite being told he was pretty basically every day, his answer was always “you should see my best friend”) Bin’s parents brought Dongmin along, so whenever Bin got bored or too tired to continue posing he had his best friend to distract him.  
They spent their free time sitting on the square that connected their houses. They kicked the little rocks there, pretending they were competing to win something but all they really did was kicking and talking about life and future.

When Bin turned 12, everyone in his class (apart of course Dongmin) couldn’t stop talking about girls. Maybe being in an all boys school didn’t help them, but the ones that Bin once called friends were now turning into giant ass dickheads that had “girls” as the only possible topic of conversation. «Don’t they have nothing else to talk about?» Bin had exploded one day, causing Dongmin (who was sitting in the desk next to him as always) to chuckle behind his book. The younger had just groaned and buried his head in his arms again.

The days Dongmin wasn’t at school, those were the most difficult for Bin to bear. Dongmin almost never missed school, except for medical reasons. When it happened, the two met in the afternoon in the usual square, to fill each other in about what happened in the few hours they were separated.

That day, Dongmin was back from the dentist with his braces finally out of the way and Bin greeted him with a stupid dance just to make him smile.

«You look weird without braces…but pretty, as always» he stated once he sat down next to him. Dongmin chuckled, too used to Bin’s compliments to be embarrassed.

«Something’s bothering you» he said as an answer. Then waited, as always, for Bin to spit his heart out.

«Minkyun said he kissed a girl yesterday»

«No way!» Dongmin laughed. «Who would be that desperate? If I was a girl I’d kiss a spider before considering to kiss a scumbag like him!»

«That’s what I said to him!» Bin was laughing as well. «I said, a girl should be out of her mind to kiss you. That, or she lost a bet with her friends»

«And what did he say?»

«That I needed to shut up. And…that I was this petty because no girl wants to kiss _me_ »

«And is it true? That’s why you’re bothered?»

«No. What bothers me is the exact opposite»

«You’ve lost me»

«What bothers me» Bin said quietly, as if he was revealing the filthiest secret «is that _I_ don’t want to kiss anyone»

«Bin…»

«Don’t play the “you’re young” card on me again! I’m only a year younger, and I remember well everyone losing their brains over girls even last year. It’s not the case. What if there’s something wrong with me?»

Dongmin had spent enough time with Bin to be able to tell exactly when the boy was nervous. For one thing, he started talking more. His palms got all sweaty and his neck turned red, not to mention that he started biting on his lower lip excessively hard.

Fortunately, Dongmin knew he could help him calm down as quickly as the nervousness had come. He gently placed a comforting hand on Bin’s shoulder, smiling at him in a soothing way.

«I wasn’t going to say you’re young. And there’s nothing wrong with you Bin. It’s fine if you don’t want to kiss anyone yet…it’s not like you’re going to get married tomorrow. If you’re not interested then just ignore them, don’t let them get to you. Besides, I’m sure Minkyun is lying and I’m also sure that a lot of girls would kill to get your kiss- you’re a model, remember?»

That seemed to cheer Bin up, even if just a little bit.

Nearly a minute later, Bin spoke up.

«Do you want to kiss someone, Dongmin?»

«No, Bin» he answered, eyes lingering on his friend’s lips a little longer than they should have. «Not yet. See, you’re not alone»

«I’m not. I’ve got you, as always»

«Yeah».

Dongmin passed him a few rocks, and they started throwing them as far as they could get.

After a while, their arms ached for all the effort and they were out of rocks too, so they stopped and fell into a comforting silence. There never was an awkward silence between them and Dongmin loved it.

«We should really go home and get our weekend homework started» Dongmin said after a while.

«Yes..we really should»

Neither of them made a move. They looked at each other and laughed.

 

 

 

 

Dongmin got a phone as his Christmas present a year later. Bin had seen it, and he begged and begged his parents until they gave up and bought him one (same model as Dongmin, of course) for his birthday on January.

Now Bin and Dongmin kept in touch even when they weren’t face to face- a time like that usually being the night. Countless times, Dongmin had been pulled out of sleep by his phone ringtone, the personalized one that was Moon Bin’s. He couldn’t recall how many nights they spent talking even in school days, staying on the phone until one of them could hear the other’s deep breathing and had to close the call. The next day they would just look at each other and smile tiredly.

Not even high school was able to get Bin and Dongmin separated. Of course they spent less time together because of the great amount of homework they had, but that only seemed to tighten their bond even more. Dongmin still went with Bin to his shoots, with a school book and his precious notes stuffed in Bin’s backpack, and he would study all the time during Bin’s work (the younger said he was going to have his brain exploded one of those days, but Dongmin never answered that. Bin thought he had some sort of plan going on but never pushed it- whenever he was ready he’d tell him.)

«What do you think you’ll do once you graduate, Bin?» Dongmin asked him during one of their night talks. Bin glanced at his posters on the wall- Bangtan Boys, Big Bang, SHINee.

«I wouldn’t mind being an idol» he said quietly «but it requires too much training, I’m already too old». That made Dongmin laugh. Bin loved Dongmin’s laugh, even when it was muffled to avoid waking his parents. It made him feel weird, but a good kind of weird. _Familiarity_ , he thought. _His laugh sounds like home._

«I still want an answer though» the older continued, as Bin had stayed silent.

«I think I’ll move to Seoul. To continue with my model career, maybe I’ll even improve my dancing…I think studying really isn’t my thing»

«No, I wouldn’t say it’s your thing» Dongmin said chuckling, and earned himself a “fuck you” from Bin that only had him laughing more.

«What do you think you’ll do, Dongmin?»

«I’m going to move to Seoul too» the older stated. Unlike him, Dongmin seemed to always know everything. «I think I’ll be a lawyer»

«That suits you»

«I know»

«We won’t lose each other right?» Bin asked, his voice slightly shaking at the question.

«As if I’d let you all alone in Seoul. You’d trip on your sweatpants and fall» That memory made Bin laugh so much he thought he was going to fall off the bed. Dongmin laughed with him, and then they went silent again. For a while they just listened to each other’s breathing. They knew it enough to tell that the other was still awake.

«Dongmin»

«Yes?»

«I still don’t want to kiss girls»

«Last time I checked you said you didn’t want to kiss anyone»

«I know»

«What changed, Bin?» Dongmin swore he heard Bin holding his breath.

«I think I want to kiss boys»

Dongmin stayed silent for a while. When he spoke again, he was the one holding his breath.

«I think I want to kiss boys too».

That was it. They knew, they knew that gay people were despised and harassed in their country. They knew they were never going to be free. They knew they were going to suffer. But they also knew they weren’t going to be alone; they had each other, each other against a whole country.

Bin knew that on the other side of the phone Dongmin was thinking the same thing.

«That sucks»

«Yeah..that sucks».

Bin could hear Dongmin’s tears just as Dongmin could hear Bin’s.

Everything stayed pretty much the same, even after that confession. Everyday Bin would wake up to a good morning text by Dongmin (he could swear that kid woke up early even on Sundays, how he managed to do that no one knew) and every night Dongmin would fall asleep with Bin’s quiet rambling in his ear.

When they graduated, their families respected their wish to move to Seoul and let them.

 

 

 

 

Living with Dongmin was even better than what Bin had expected. Despite the other being a rather early riser ( _he has to_ , Bin always thought. _He got into one of the best universities in Seoul, he needs to study hard_ ) he never woke him up unless he asked him to. And whenever he came home at night, tired after a whole day of shootings or dance practices, he always found dinner ready and his friend there, to listen to his nagging when he was upset, his rambling when he was happy, and even his silence when he was too tired to speak.

Of course, that was the same for Dongmin. When he came home after a day full of lessons or an afternoon spent studying he found a welcoming smile and a house smelling of precooked ramen (after Bin had tried properly cooking and nearly set the kitchen on fire they agreed that precooked ramen would do just fine whenever Dongmin was not around).

There was something reassuring in their routine, some sort of home feeling they got when they were together, probably due to the fact that they were side by side since their birth.

Every three days they both spoke to their families, filling them in on what happened in their lives. Of course, their parents only knew what wouldn’t hurt them. What they didn’t know was that both Dongmin and Bin had their first kiss there.

First was Dongmin. Bin knew the other got invited to a lot of parties, but he never went. The boy didn’t quite get why, but the older claimed he had to study.   
When he finally agreed to one Bin felt somehow like a proud older brother (he earned himself a soft slap for saying that). He had waited awake for the older to return, mainly because he couldn’t sleep. It was the first time he was alone for so long in that house, he just couldn’t sleep without Dongmin’s even breath next to him. Looking back, maybe he should have thought that wasn’t a normal thing to say, but it was the truth.

Dongmin came back at four in the morning, his eyes slightly unfocused but somehow present. Bin had rushed to the door to greet him and laughed hard at the smell of soju he could feel in the air close to his friend.

They got on Bin’s bed and the younger begged to know everything, so Dongmin started talking.

«It was slightly overcrowded. Not much though. Very loud music, some western thing I’m sure I heard you dancing to…there were a bunch of great guys…» Dongmin’s eyes opened. «Bin…I kissed one guy» Bin’s eyes widened. Not because of the surprise (okay, that was partly it) but Dongmin knew he was worrying.

«Nobody saw us, we were in a dark hallway..and even if they saw us, I don’t think they’d mind. I swear I saw some of my school friends holding hands behind the table. Two guys»

«Well, I’m glad your school friends aren’t homophobic scumbags. Was he pretty?» was all Bin could say. His chest felt kind of heavy. _I must be jealous,_ he thought. _Because he got his first kiss and I haven’t._

«Very pretty. His hair was bleached blond, and he had big eyes. Still not as pretty as you» Dongmin added, and Bin felt better. He could feel them both drifting off to sleep, but then Dongmin whispered something.

«It felt wrong there without you».

So when Dongmin got another invitation, he said he was going only if they let his friend come too.

Bin clung to his side from the moment they entered. It was hard to believe but the boy was a bit of a shy person, and he didn’t know anyone apart from Dongmin. Soon enough though he had warmed up and happily accepted the glass of soju he was offered. He instantly regretted not asking Dongmin how it tasted before because the sour taste was too strong and he made a face, causing the guy to laugh softly at his cuteness. Bin instantly recognized the boy who stole Dongmin’s first kiss, mainly because he was making heart eyes towards his best friend. Bin laughed and told Dongmin, who surprisingly only blushed.

The younger didn’t have time to tease him though, cause soon enough he was engulfed in a conversation with the boy who laughed at his drinking face. They talked a lot, and soon Bin felt safe enough to remove his hand from Dongmin’s thigh (it had been there the whole time, only to reassure himself that everything was fine).

Dongmin was gone with heart eyes boy a few moments later, but Bin didn’t mind. _As long as he only does what he wants to do._ He talked more and more with the boy (Yoojin, that was his name. He was one year older, but Bin wasn’t surprised). He was cute, with puffy cheeks but a sharp, interesting look. Majoring in Psychology, which made him observe people a little too much in Bin’s opinion. Dongmin usually did the same though, so the boy didn’t really mind.

Yoojin took his first kiss. First it was just a peck, but then it turned into a pretty heavy make out session in the bathroom. Not very romantic, but Bin wasn’t Dongmin- he didn’t want a boyfriend, not now. That was more than enough.

Dongmin laughed when he told him that. He accepted it though, in the end it was Bin’s life. He only warned him to be careful. «You too» Bin answered, and Dongmin laughed again. He told him that heart eyes boy (Dongjun, that was his name) had asked him out and he had said yes. Bin felt weird, but he managed to throw a bright smile at his best friend.

«You know» Bin said after a while. They were sitting on the couch- more like Bin was sitting and Dongmin was resting his head on Bin’s lap while he read a book. Bin was running his hands on Dongmin’s hair, like he always did when they were like that.

Dongmin hummed, as to say he was listening. «If it turns out well with Dongjun, I have a ship name ready for you» Dongmin laughed and looked at him.

«2Dong» Bin said, having understood Dongmin’s wondering look. «You’ll be like, the normal version of SHINee’s 2Min!» they laughed together this time.

«I hope it turns out well» Dongmin said in a thin voice, as if saying it out loud would bring bad luck.

«I hope you’ll be happy» Bin only said. Dongmin went back to his book, and Bin back to his controversial thoughts.

The second year of Dongmin’s training to attend law school was nearly ending, and he had now regular dates with Dongjun. Bin said it was only a matter of time before the guy asked Dongmin to be his boyfriend. He still had that weird feeling when he thought about it, but with his always tight schedule he barely had time to linger on those thoughts. Whenever Dongmin went out and he was left home alone he called Yoojin and invited him over. The two had built up a weird relationship, based mainly on beer, drunken kisses and occasional sex.

It could have seemed that Dongmin and Bin were slowly getting separated, but that wasn’t the case at all. Dongmin still waited for Bin’s late schedules with a cup of tea ready in his hands, Bin still waited for Dongmin’s return with precooked ramen and his bright puppy smile. They still talked in the dark of their room till night turned into day again, only without a phone. They still sat on the couch talking about nothings and cuddling each other, sometimes laughing as if they were 10-year-olds again, sometimes just seeking each other’s company in silence. Bin was slowly making his way through the model world, occasionally taking part in dance competitions too. “You never know what life will throw at you” he always said. “Maybe one day I’ll need dance experience.” Dongmin always laughed and told him it would be useless in case of a zombie invasion, but he still attended every competition with a big sign in his hands that had Bin’s name written all over it.

Dongmin was still with Dongjun, Bin was used to it and always called Yoojin. They were fine with it.

(Dongjun had trouble standing Bin once he realized the unbreakable bond that stood between his boyfriend and the younger. Yoojin thought he could tell that Bin was fucking with someone else in his head. None of them said anything about it.)

 

 

 

 

«You’ll never guess Bin»

«Minnie what the heck…what time is it?»

«Eight o’ clock»

Bin groaned. «I still had like thirteen minutes…»

«This is important Bin, I can’t wait till the end of your shooting today»

«Fine, I’m awake» Bin opened his eyes and was met with Dongmin’s sparkling ones. _Someday I will get over the fact that he’s this beautiful even in the morning._

«Sleepyhead. I got an offer»

«Wait…» Bin said rubbing his eyes «a work offer? But you haven’t graduated yet!»

«I will in a few months, and the offer stands for when I’ll get my degree»

«Seems nice! Where?»

That was the best part of the news, Bin could tell that from the way Dongmin seemed to glow.

«Incheon»

« _Incheon?_ Are you kidding? That’s…home!»

They often talked about how they missed their home. The streets they were so used to, the familiar feeling of knowing every street, their square, the special place that was only theirs. They hadn’t found a place like that in Seoul. And now Dongmin was offered a job there. He could go back. Bin was happy for him.

«Home, you’re right! We can go back Binnie, back home!»

«We?»

That’s when Dongmin realized. The work was for him, not Bin as well. It was odd to think about it, they always did things together, that’s why it took Dongmin so long to realise Bin couldn’t come back home with him. His eyes somehow darkened, Bin hated whenever that happened (it happened rarely, mainly when he and Dongjun argued, but Bin was always there for him).

«No, don’t be sad...»

«I’ll refuse then»

«No! Don’t make me slap you Dongmin, you’re going. Weren’t we always talking about missing home? You can go back now!»

«But not you, Bin! What’s the point then? It won’t feel like home if you’re not there, it’s always been like that! Where you go I’ll go, where you stay I’ll stay! Since we were kids…»

«We’re not kids anymore, Dongmin…» Bin hugged him, hoping the words he was going to say wouldn’t hurt the boy too much. «It was bound to happen one day, either you or me would leave the other behind. But that doesn’t mean anything, do I look like I’d let you go that easily? Hear me out, you go, I’ll stay, and every weekend I’ll travel and reach to you. I rarely have schedules on Saturdays and Sundays…if I have dance competitions, you take a day off and come to see me. Incheon’s not far anyway. We’ll work it out…you’re right, it’s always been you and me together and it won’t change after all these years. Understood?»

Dongmin’s eyes were a bit teary, but Bin’s words seemed to cheer him up. _As always,_ Bin thought.

«Understood» came Dongmin’s faint reply, and Bin smiled, getting up to find his work clothes. He changed in front of him, he always did. _There’s nothing to hide anyway. We used to shower together when we were eleven._

«Have you told Dongjun yet?» The older’s eyes widened, as if he’d remembered about his boyfriend only then. Bin felt like smiling, but he kept it in.

«I had to tell you first..I’ll call him when you leave»

«Right»

«Your coffee is on the table»

«Black with no sugar?»

«As always» this time Bin smiled for real and leaned in to kiss his cheek, whispering a “thank you hyung” under his breath before heading off. Dongmin caressed his cheek and smiled.

When Bin came back that night he sensed something was wrong. He knew it before even realising what felt odd, then it stroke to him. There wasn’t trace of the familiar smell of food he always found when he came back. He rushed to their bedroom with his shoes still on, finding an asleep Dongmin curled up on his bed. Bin’s bed.

He got closer and placed a hand on his forehead, looking for a fever. It wasn’t the case. Dongmin had bags under his closed eyes, as if he was sick- or as if he had cried.

_Dongjun._

«Minnie…Min hyung, wake up, it’s me»

«Bin…wait, you’re home?» he stood up so fast that he felt his head spinning and Bin had to hold him to his chest. Dongmin wriggled, trying to get out of Bin’s grip. «I haven’t cooked anything! I _always_ cook you something, I-» he was cut off by Bin’s hand on his mouth.

«Calm down. I don’t give two flying fucks about eating if you don’t tell me what happened and why you were crying».

Dongmin seemed to remember the reason, and his eyes darkened again. _Yes, definitely Dongjun._

«He was not happy. When I told him...»

«What happened?» Bin asked, trying to hide the anger that was already building in him. But of course Dongmin knew him too well, and started caressing his back in a way that always calmed him before talking again.

«He asked me when I was going to refuse it. I…I told him Incheon’s my home and that…that this was a great opportunity, it’s not common that a law student gets an offer this early. Some of us arrive in their 40s without a stable job! And…he told me he was coming here to discuss it. So he did...and we argued. Like, a lot. He told me I was being selfish because I wasn’t considering him…I said that I wouldn’t be that far away, I mean it’s like 20 miles anyway…and then…okay maybe I said the wrong thing but at the moment it felt right, I- I told him that you didn’t argue with me and tried to understand me. He went… _nuts_ the instant I brought you up. I think he’s deadly jealous of you…he lost it completely, threw my pencil case at me while saying terrible things and then stormed out- literally. I don’t know what to do Bin…»

«Did it hurt you?»

«Uh?»

«The pencil case. Did it hurt you?»

«No, not really…it hit my hand». Bin lifted both Dongmin’s hands, examining them carefully. When he was sure no damage was done he turned to face the boy.

«He’s an idiot. You’re not being selfish at all, you just badly want to go home. He’s from Seoul, he doesn’t realize how much this city can overwhelm you if you’re not born here. He should try though, he should try to understand how you feel. But you’ve been together for so long, I don’t think he’ll throw your relationship out of the window for an argument, nor for 20 miles. I’m sure he’ll come to his senses…just give him time. I don’t really get why he would be jealous of me though..»

«Because our friendship is rare, Bin». The younger boy turned to look at him, slightly confused. Dongmin smiled and continued. «See…we’re close. Way closer than normal friends. It’s normal for us, it’s how it has always been. But other people…unless they were lucky enough to find a best friend like we did, they can’t understand. I think they’ll always misunderstand. That’s what Dongjun is doing. But he knows I love him…he’ll realise it and apologise, I was just shaken by the argument and kind of freaked out, now I’m okay…»

«Glad you are» Bin smiled at him, his heart clenched a bit but he couldn’t tell why. He shook his head and kissed his forehead. That was common between them.

«You rest, I’ll make ramen»

«See, that’s what I meant when I said we’re closer than normal». Bin laughed.

«Shut up.» he could hear Dongmin muffling his laugh in his hoodie ( _Bin’s_ hoodie).

 _He’s going to be okay. And that idiot will come back and make him happy._ He somehow didn’t like that thought.

And the idiot did indeed come back the next morning. Dongmin had decided to sleep in and Bin had let him, so he was silently sipping on his coffee when he heard three knocks at the door. He wasn’t that happy to see Dongjun but he could tell that Dongjun wasn’t happy either.

«Where’s Dongmin?» he said, without greeting or asking for permission to step in the house. Bin wanted to punch him so bad, but he heard a faint voice in his head that slightly resembled Dongmin’s. _Be polite. Show him you’re better than him._

«Hello, Dongjun hyung» he began, smiling warmly «Dongmin is still sleeping, he had quite a rough time yesterday. Do you want a cup of coffee while I go wake him up?»

«I know where his bedroom is» he answered rather hastily «would you mind going out? I need to talk to him»

«Are you kicking me out of my own apartment, Dongjun?» _forget the hyung. I don’t respect someone if he doesn’t respect me._

«It’s my boyfriend’s apartment so yes I am»

«It’s _our_ apartment»

«And he is _my_ boyfriend. Mine»

«I don’t like that tone. You don’t own him, hope we’re clear on this or I’ll make it clear for you»

«Well you don’t own him as well!»

«The fuck are you talking about?»

«I know you’re in love with him so don’t try to fool me»

At this point, Bin was fuming. And seeing red. _One punch. Just one, and I’ll knock this bitch out for the better._ He forced himself to stay calm, closing his shaking hands in fists.

Another smile. _You can do this Moon Bin. For Dongmin._

«Sure, I’m in love with him and pigs can fly. I may leave you two alone, but on one condition»

«What is it?»

«Don’t hurt my best friend again. Because I swear to God, the next time I have to comfort him because of you being an asshole I’ll punch you so hard you won’t recognise yourself».

Dongjun looked kind of scared, but he didn’t say anything. Bin didn’t wait for an answer either, he just headed off their apartment (making sure he slammed the door). Once he was out he sat on the stairs, breathing slowly in order to calm himself.

«In love with Dongmin. What kind of twisted bullshit is that?» he mumbled to himself. He refused to acknowledge the tear running down his left cheek.

 

 

 

«Have you packed everything?»

«Yes, Bin»

«Did you bring warm clothes?»

«Bin, it’s May»

«You never know...»

«You seem more nervous than me»

«I wanted to walk you to the station...» Dongmin sighed. They had previously agreed that it was best for Dongmin’s relationship if they said their goodbye in what used to be their apartment, and then let Dongjun drive the older to the train station.

«Make sure you eat something healthy every once in a while» Bin snorted.

«I’ll ask Yoojin, he can cook»

«Will you ever ask him an actual date?»

«Nah, none of us want that»

«We’re so different, it’s surprising how well we get along»

«We complete each other, I guess».

Dongmin laughed, but he sounded like he was about to cry. Bin sniffled a bit and then turned to hug him tight. All those years they were inseparable and now they were going to be apart from each other for the first time in 15 years... that was enough to scare them both to death.

Bin refused to cry though. He comforted Dongmin, made sure he had everything ready, kept holding his hand to reassure him, but he didn’t cry. When they heard Dongjun ring the doorbell, they knew it was time to say goodbye.

«Call me as soon as you arrive. And don’t you dare close the call if not after two hours»

«Seems our three AM calls are here again». Bin laughed at that, and nodded. Then he stood on his tiptoes and kissed Dongmin’s forehead, letting his lips linger for more than necessary. Then, just like that, Dongmin was gone. Bin watched through the kitchen window as he greeted Dongjun with a quick kiss and got into his car, then stood there until the car disappeared. He stared at Seoul’s never ending crazy rhythm. It was weird, he felt like his whole world had stopped but the life beyond those four walls continued as if nothing had happened. Bin wanted to scream for everyone to stop, wanted to call Dongmin and tell him to come back. Instead, he called Yoojin, wiping his tears before they reached his chin.

 

They were resting against the headboard of Bin’s bed, slowly regaining their breath.

«You seemed angry». Yoojin stated weakly, turning his head to look at him.

«Nah...just frustrated I guess»

«Good that you have a fuck buddy for this kind of things» Bin laughed breathily, punching the other gently.

«When did Dongmin leave?» The younger stiffened, but he should have expected that question. After all, he was Dongmin’s friend too.

«This afternoon»

«Shit man, he’s one step ahead of all of us...»

«Always been like that». It was Yoojin’s turn to laugh. Then he stared at Bin for a while, probably understanding way more than he should have. He didn’t say anything though, whatever it was that he got from Bin’s expression.

In that moment, Dongmin called. Yoojin smiled and told Bin he was going to cook something, gaining nothing more than a grunt as the other was already engulfed in a conversation with his best friend.

 

 

 

 

Weeks were slowly flying by. Like Bin had promised, he took a train every Friday night to Incheon, spent his weekend with Dongmin and then returned to Seoul every Sunday night. Dongjun went there during the week, Bin was fine with it because that meant they didn’t have to meet. He would have never admitted it, but the distance was starting to get to him; there were a lot of things that he had gotten accustomed to after years of having Dongmin by his side, and now he could no longer do anything but call him at night and hold him tight whenever they met again. He was being strong for Dongmin, and he somehow could tell that Dongmin was doing the same for him.

When Bin was there, they spent almost all their time at their square, occasionally throwing rocks while talking, exactly how they did so many years ago. To Bin it all felt quite strange, cause they were still the same boys but being there again felt somehow different. Maybe it was because they were grown up, or because they had actual things to worry about instead of who kissed who at school. Either way, it felt good to have their place again. They felt more comfortable there than in their own houses, even if they were born there. Dongmin and Bin both agreed that it was because they had too many secrets.

«Doesn’t it bother you?» Bin asked one day when the topic “secrets kept from parents” was brought up again. They were at their spot again sitting next to each other, and Bin had his head resting on Dongmin’s shoulder while the older was running his fingers through his hair. If other people in that square found it odd they kept silent about it.

«That I have secrets? I’m 25 Bin, they don’t have to know everything that goes on in my life»

«I know but...we were lucky Minnie, they aren’t strict or harsh parents, don’t you feel bad for not telling them about...you know» he abruptly finished, having noticed a boy staring at them curiously.

«Bin...you’re right they are great parents but the instant we tell them that they won’t be...I’m sorry» he said, Bin had suddenly got back up and was sighing loudly «I’m sorry Binnie, it hurts me too but it’s the truth...it’s just how things work here, we can’t pretend it won’t be like that»

«What if I’ll want to marry someone, Dongmin? What if I’ll want kids?» Bin said, holding back his angry tears.

«Do you think I haven’t thought about this Bin? I’m the one in a stable relationship!»

The thought of Dongmin marrying Dongjun left a bitter feeling that Bin swallowed before Dongmin could see it.

«Then what will you do?»

«I’ll see. For now, just work, try to make things work between me and him and prepare for when I’ll get the call for the army»

That too. Dongmin was 25, that meant sooner or later he’d receive The Call. They had agreed long before that once Dongmin got it Bin would volunteer too. It still scared him (he had heard of corporal punishments and other things that normally happened) but it couldn’t be avoided, so it was better going with Dongmin than alone.

«How are things with him?» he asked, to change the subject. Dongmin smiled weakly, then looked down at his own shoes.

«A little tense…but better than the first weeks. He saw how happy I was to be here again at least, but I don’t think he gets why»

«Told you, Seoul kids don’t get it. What have you said to your family?»

«He’s a friend from university. They even let him sleep in my room» that made Bin chuckle. If only they knew...

«Is he okay acting the friend part?»

«Well it’s not like I’m forcing him in the closet, he hasn’t come out as well yet»

«Right»

«What about Seoul? How is life there?»

«Okay, I guess...after seeing how bad I am at cooking my manager gets worried for my image so he invites me over at least three times a week...and Yoojin cooks for me when we’re together. But apart from when he’s there I hardly spent time at home, I usually go back for the night and that’s it»

«Why?»

«Doesn’t feel good. Too much silence, I don’t like it. Doesn’t feel like home»

«I feel you». Bin turned to look at him, waiting for the other to continue. «We always talked about how we missed being here, we always said we’d return...I didn’t expect to come back here alone. Of course I was happy the first days...but it didn’t last long. It just feels...unfamiliar without you. These streets aren’t the same when I walk here alone, this square is not our place if you aren’t here with me. So yeah...I get what you feel».

Bin reached for Dongmin’s hand and held it for a few seconds, as to comfort him. «But I always come back, Minnie. Every weekend, I’m back here. Back home»

«I know, Bin. I do. I just miss you»

«Me too»

«Will we be like this forever?» Bin thought about the answer. What he wanted to say was “no”, but he knew that couldn’t be true. Dongmin had his job and Bin had his, one in Incheon and the other in Seoul. He still refused to face the truth.

«I don’t know, Dongmin. Who knows what’s bound to happen...» this time it was Dongmin who rested his head on Bin’s shoulder. While they were talking the sun had started to set, so the few kids that were still playing had now headed back home and Bin felt free to hug the older and place a kiss on the crown of his head. He could feel him smiling.

«You look good with your hair slightly bleached by the way, Bin. I hadn’t told you yet»

«Thank you. My manager thinks it suits my image better»

«The young, wild and unreachable bad boy Moon Bin» they laughed at that.

«I’m still not sure as to why he hasn’t asked me a shirtless photo shoot yet»

«Well your last one was kind of shirtless Bin, that tank top barely covered you!»

«You saw it!»

«Of course I did. I don’t miss one shoot, I never did. You know that»

«I just thought you were-»

«Busy? Bin...I could be the busiest guy ever but I’ll always find time to support you. I keep my promises»

Whatever doubt about drifting apart Bin had was quickly defeated by that sentence.

«Love you, Minnie»

«Love you too dummy»

«So...want to see who arrives first to your house?»

Dongmin laughed. There he was, his careless Bin was back. He obviously agreed to that challenge and they started running as fast as they could towards his house.

Of course, Bin won that one.

 

 

 

 

Bin had a big dance competition scheduled for the end of the summer. He told Dongmin as soon as he knew and the other started organising so he could attend it (Dongjun was not happy about him coming back to Seoul only for Bin, and to calm him down he had to promise he’d sleep at his house, not at Bin’s. Bin was sad but accepted it, only to avoid other clashes or stress on Dongmin’s shoulders.

It was the biggest competition the boy had ever attended, and he was nervous. He had practiced over hundreds of choreographies, created a few in case they were asked a freestyle, and in general he spent more hours in the practice room than in the outside world. Yoojin sometimes went to see him. He didn’t know much about dance but still observed him and told him when a move was too stiff or too weak or just too exaggerated, and moreover he was there to prevent him for backing out every time he felt too tired or scared to go on. Bin was grateful that a friend like him had his back when Dongmin couldn’t be there to help him.

One night they were together in the practice room. Bin had just stopped dancing and had carelessly dropped down on the floor, sweat shining on his skin. Yoojin was looking at him weirdly, but Bin was too tired to ask what was he thinking so he just waited for the other to talk.

«You always sweat so much more than a normal person» he then stated, as if it was a normal way to start a conversation.

«No way, Sherlock» Bin laughed «how did you have that intuition?» Yoojin laughed too and kicked him, making the younger grunt. They went silent for a few seconds, then Yoojin spoke again.

«Bin...we need to talk»

«Holy crap...did you kill someone? Mind you I have no idea on how to hide a body but I will try!»

«Will you stop? Idiot!» but he was laughing as he said that so Bin didn’t mind it. «Anyway no, but...I think I like someone Bin so...what we have-»

«Must stop. Wow that’s weird, we’ve been fucking around for years! Is he pretty?»

«Way more than you»

«Yah!» Yoojin laughed.

«Sorry Bin, it’s just what happens when you like someone, your brain just-»

«Stops working and turns you into a fool»

«Would you stop interrupting your hyung? Brat!»

«It’s the truth!»

«Okay, it kind of is...but still, he’s prettier than you»

«Please, only Dongmin is prettier than me!»

«...sure»

«Anyway if we have to stop we’ll stop, you have the right to...find your happiness or whatever it is that you get. I’m happy for you by the way!»

«Thank you. I’ll really miss that body of yours, you know?»

«Obviously you will» Bin chuckled «I hope we can stay friends though...»

«Of course we will!»

«Then we’re good to go!»

«One last kiss before we go back to just friends, Bin?»

«Demanding bottom until the end, are you?» he earned himself a slap, but he still kept laughing before leaning in and kissing Yoojin like they had done many times before. It felt different, they learned to know each other’s body language too well over the years so they knew what was different. That was a goodbye kiss, and they surely felt it. It didn’t last long but they were both smiling when they parted.

«Guess this is it then…»

«Yes, it is…»

«I wonder if I’ll ever like someone like that, you know?»

Yoojin looked at him as if he had just said the most absurd thing in the world. «Binnie, you just need to open your eyes».

Bin had never in his life felt more confused.

 

The competition day finally arrived and Bin was so nervous that he felt like he had drunk a thousand cups of coffee. The other contestants were eyeing him curiously (they had probably seen Bin’s face in magazines or even in the city buses sometimes) so he kept ignoring them, paying attention only to his teacher who was busy reassuring him. A bunch of noonas were walking around fixing someone’s hair or make up while running full speed, checking everything was alright before the performance started.

Five minutes to the get go and the director came into the waiting room, greeting everyone briefly and explaining the rules. Bin let himself space out for a while, the rules were always the same and he had attended enough competitions to know them by heart. His attention was back when the director called their names in the order they had to perform, and then, on the last minute, he explained what they had to do. Three dance covers and a choreography created by themselves. Bin was sure he saw a few boys getting paler and chuckled quietly. _Idiots. They always require self-made choreographies._

«Also» the director was saying «you’d want to be better than you’ve ever been today, because not only cameras are here, but a famous American choreographer is here to watch you as well».

Bin gasped. _America_ , he thought. _You’ve got to be kidding me._ He, like many other dancers there, worshipped America because the world’s most famous choreographers usually lived in there. He felt the tension in the air becoming thicker and thicker, and he turned to his teacher, who was already looking at him.

«You don’t need to worry so much» he said «For one thing, you’re the second to perform. So not as pressured as who’s first -whom I think is about to throw up- but you can still be remembered easily. Plus, you’re a model, as always they’ll be astonished to see you can dance that well too. You know all the choreographies, the one you created for that Jason Derulo song is simply amazing. It has a concept and you’re so good at expressing it, so stop frowning, you’ll be good. And for God’s sake Moon Bin- we’re going for a sexy concept this time, so you’ll do the opposite you usually do, heard me? Don’t smile, look at girls in the crowd as if you want to bang them, look at the boys to make them envious, okay?»

Bin wanted to laugh so bad. _If anything, I want to fuck boys and make the girls drown in jealousy._ He managed to hold back his laughter by throwing a Cheshire cat smile, or that’s what he thought.

«Oh, and goodness don’t smile, you look like a puppy and we don’t need that» his teacher smiled, meaning that he didn’t want that to sound as an offense. Bin had it all in mind: flawless dances, sharp moves, sexy looks, hip thrusts, no smiles. And yet he still felt so nervous. To calm himself he headed directly towards the backstage, following the boy who was supposed to be first. His teacher was right, he looked like he was going to throw up.

«I feel sick» the boy confirmed his thoughts a second later. He was shorter than Bin, and he looked like he was 16.

«No need to worry, kid» Bin said, trying to reassure him a bit «you’re here, that means you’re good. Anxiety won’t take you anywhere near the first place, so just shut the world out and dance».

The boy nodded, even if Bin wasn’t sure he had listened. He looked as the boy’s name (Chae Yoojung) was called and he made his way to the stage, hands shaking lightly as he took the microphone to introduce himself. His eyes roamed on the crowd near the stage, looking for either Dongmin or Yoojin, but it seemed like Yoojung’s supporters had taken over the whole front row with huge signs, so it was difficult to see anything else. He knew they were there though, they always were, so he didn’t worry too much. A few moments later the music started, and the kid started to move. It wasn’t bad, his movements were well placed and he had great timing, but he seemed a bit distant. Bin wasn’t sure about what the concept was either, but he still watched. The kid was young (the MC confirmed his guess about the boy being 16 years old) so he was still raw, but he had potential, Bin had to admit that. The problems came when it was time to show his self-made choreography. He had one prepared fortunately but it didn’t feel like he was confident about it. Bin’s eyes rushed to the judges- they had noticed it too, a few of them were shaking their heads. _Damn it. Let’s just hope they won’t be too harsh, he’s just a kid._

Together with the judges, just a row behind, he spotted a man that surely wasn’t Asian, he could see his blond hair and round eyes from there. That had to be the American choreographer. Bin felt his heart skip a bit, without even knowing why. Before he noticed, he was forced to take deep breaths to calm himself again. And by the time he had gotten his mind back again, the judges were thanking the boy for his performance and sending him away to talk about him privately. Bin had always hated that thing, because he had the feeling that judges were way harsher when the contestant wasn’t there to hear. He preferred hearing them telling him he sucked to his face instead of just having to guess their opinion through their expressions.

He gave thumbs up to the kid even if he didn’t seem much happy, and then began roaming the crowd again, distracting himself until he heard his name being called, and he quickly made his way to the stage. He greeted politely, smiling just a little not to appear rude, and then he quickly regained his inscrutable expression as he agreed with his teacher. While he was being introduced he looked around in the crowd again, and this time he found Dongmin. He was smiling, _glowing_ as he held a big sign (as always) with his name on it. Yoojin was helping him by holding the other side, while on the other side of his best friend stood a not so pleased Dongjun. He smirked, looking directly at him. _How does it feel, jerk? How much does it bother you that he came all the way here to see me and not you?_

He thought about his teacher’s words and felt like smirking again. He was going to make a boy envious after all.

So he started dancing. It was like he belonged there, on the spotlight. He let the music take the lead as always, but this time there weren’t smiles or cute expression. He tried his best to appear sexy and mysterious, and he was pretty sure he was nailing it. His movements were perfect, same for the timing and Bin had never felt more fit for a concept. _Maybe being sexy is my best talent,_ he thought, and that made him smirk.

When the third song ended he felt himself a bit relieved, even if he knew the tricky part still had to come. This time they would be judging his choreographing skill too. Bin used the twenty seconds break to gain his breath back and flash a quick smile at Dongmin (who, Bin noticed, wasn’t able to look away from him. He didn’t know why he felt so pleased, but pushed the thought aside for later). Then he nodded at the judges to make them understand he was ready, and his last song started. He danced to it without a single mistake, and he was positive he heard some girl in the front row squeal when he threw in a very suggestive hip thrust, and had to hold back an amused grin. _Calm down sweetie, I play for the other team._

When it ended, Bin was glad it did. Not that he wasn’t enjoying it, but he felt like someone had just poured a whole water bottle on him, that’s how much he was sweating. He turned to the judges, flashing a smile again. They seemed pleased, a few of them were smiling, and the American guy was eyeing him curiously. His heart skipped a bit. He thanked the judges as always for having him, and they thanked him for his performance. He knew that was his cue to leave, so he quickly greeted the crowd (Dongmin shouted “Moon Bin-ah!” with all his voice and he laughed) then headed quickly off stage, straight into his teacher’s arms.

«Ew, you’re drenched.» he said smiling and handing him a towel. Bin accepted it happily, drying himself as much as he could.

«Ah, Bin-ah, next time I try to use a cute concept for you just yell at me». Bin laughed, feeling way happier than he normally was after a competition. «No but seriously» his manager continued «you were perfect! As if you were born to do that, like, I swear I saw some boys ogling at you as well! We’re totally going for the sexy concept again»

«If the American choreographer doesn’t offer me to go with him, that is!»

«Yah, don’t flatter yourself too much, kid» but he was smiling as he scolded him, so Bin just laughed again.

They were interrupted by a voice that Bin could recognise anywhere.

«I swear I know him! I’m not a creepy fan or whatever, I swear, ask him!» the boy turned to see Dongmin (Yoojin and Dongjun were right behind him) arguing with a guard by the entrance. Bin stood up and spoke loudly. «Let them in, hyung, I know them!» the guard obeyed reluctantly but Bin didn’t have time to notice it cause soon enough he was being hugged so tight he had trouble breathing. It was Dongmin though, so he simply hugged him back just as tight, smiling widely. Every time they hugged after a long time he realised how much he had missed the other and how much he wished he could stay like that forever. Unfortunately he couldn’t, and Dongjun coughing made them separate way sooner than he’d liked.

«Wow, Binnie! You were...amazing! And so sexy, everyone was staring at you! You’ll win this, I know!»

«It would be wonderful If I won, I’ve never went further than second place!»

«Well you must be used to be the second, since Dongmin is your _best friend.»_ Dongjun spoke up. Bin gritted his teeth, but calmed down as soon as he felt Dongmin’s hand caress his side gently.

«Jun, drop it.» Dongmin said coldly, as if it wasn’t the first time he said those words.

Yoojin luckily saved the mood choosing that moment to talk.

«Damn Bin, why did we stop fucking?» he said, careful that no-one heard him. Bin busted out laughing, throwing his head back.

«Your loss, babe» He said once he had calmed down, then made the other three follow him to find a few seats. They spent the time Bin had to kill before the competition ended just talking to each other (Bin and Dongjun were politely ignoring each other, but no-one said anything about it). When it was finally time for Bin to go back on the stage for the results he stood up, getting ready once again.

«Hey» he called, talking to all three of them but looking only at Dongmin «we’re going to eat something later, aren’t we? It’s on me, promise!» they all agreed so Bin smirked playfully and headed for the stage again, with a great feeling in his gut.

 

As Dongmin predicted (again, when was that guy _not_ right? It was almost frustrating) Bin did win that one. The crowd’s cheers were impressive as he received his medal, but he could tell Dongmin and Yoojin were the loudest. He hadn’t felt that happy for a long time, he even felt somehow dizzy from the feeling. But it could be understandable, he never went further than second place and when he finally won it was the biggest competition he ever attended, he couldn’t help to feel proud of himself. He could see his teacher glowing with happiness almost as much as he did, and he remembered thinking that was the happiest he’d ever felt in his life.

He was ready to leave the stage cause he knew the judges left the actual prizes (money, that was) for when there wasn’t a crowd watching them, but then, just as he was heading backstage, he heard an unfamiliar voice calling his name. He turned and spotted one of the judges gesturing him to go closer, so he obeyed instantly, smiling and bowing at her when he reached to her.

«Great performance, Moon Bin-sshi» she began, and Bin thanked her with a proud smile on his face. «You were flawless, Bin-sshi, so naturally now...there’s someone who wants to talk to you.»

 

 

 

 

It was the greatest night Bin had had in a while. It would have been perfect if only Dongjun hadn’t been there, with his cold attitude that pissed Bin off beyond any limit. He kept an eye on him the whole night, noticing he was cold even to Dongmin (Yoojin had to physically keep him from punching him once or twice when the guy was harsh with his best friend) and he hoped it was just a bad day. He hated the thought of leaving Dongmin with him the whole night and all the following morning but he knew he had no choice, so he made sure he was fine by checking on his expression several times. Dongmin had noticed and silently signed him to stop, adding that he was fine. They understood the other without any words so it was easier for them to reassure each other.

When it was time to say goodbye Bin hugged Dongmin tight.

«If anything happens, anything, just call me. I don’t give a fuck if I’m asleep, get it?» Bin managed to whisper in his ear without Dongjun noticing. He didn’t know why but he felt a weird feeling in his stomach, something that he kept to himself to avoid making Dongmin any more upset than he already was.   
The other boy gave a quick nod on response, making Bin sigh in relief. Then, after a cold “bye” exchanged with Dongjun and another hug to Yoojin, he was ready to head back home and think about the huge day that had just ended.

 _It’s a good life after all,_ he thought just as he was about to fall asleep. _As I said to that American dude, I wouldn’t mind things staying this way._

He jerked awake a few hours later, and sat up on his bed immediately. It took him a couple of seconds but he finally understood why he was awake: the noise he was hearing was Dongmin’s ringtone. He picked up his phone and accepted the call right away, looking at the alarm clock on his night stand. It said 4:26 AM.

«Minnie?»

«Bin...» he was calm. Too calm, nothing scared Bin more than a too calm Dongmin. «Do you remember the day we became friends?»

«Of course I do. You saved both of us because stupid 9-year-old me tripped on his own pants»

«You looked so cute with your huge eyes and that sticker on your cheek... Bin, I... I miss those days»

«Are you crying?» a sniff was the only answer he needed. «Dongmin, what happened? Where are you?»

«His kitchen...»

«What happened?» Bin knew he sounded like he was ready to murder someone, but couldn’t do anything about it. _I warned him. I warned him not to hurt my best friend._

«I...don’t know actually...»

«The fuck? Did he drug you?»

«No! It’s just..I don’t understand. He was so cold, and then...out of nowhere, he told me like “you’re mine” and...Bin are you sure you want to hear this?»

«I do. I need to know everything before I go kill him.»

«Binnie, please»

«Sorry, slipped out. Go on»

«Okay, he...well, we had sex but it felt so different Bin, I could just tell something was off...and he was so rough and...possessive? I don’t know really, he’s never been like that...and now he’s there peacefully sleeping and... I don’t know I just can’t sleep cause I don’t understand and I’m scared Binnie, so fucking scared, what do I do?» he was practically sobbing at that point, and Bin was panicking even more than him.

«Okay» he said, trying to calm down both himself and Dongmin. «Okay Minnie, calm down, you...god, are you okay? Did he hurt you?»

«Not really...I’m just...worried and scared I guess»

«Okay, then..listen, you have to calm down, you hear me? Worrying won’t do any good, not now anyway...why do you feel scared?»

«Because I don’t recognise him, Bin! He’s been weird the whole day and I don’t understand...»

«You need to confront him about this»

«What..now?»

«No, not now Minnie, just...wait till tomorrow morning, okay? Then talk to him, see if you can work it out...if you can’t just call me, I’ll drop by, punch him and rescue you»

«I’m not a princess, you know» Bin could feel him smiling, and that made him sigh in relief.

«What a pity, you’d finally get a ride on my motorbike!»

«I still don’t feel good about you riding that thing...»

«You still look at me and see that boy with a sticker on his cheek, don’t you?» Dongmin laughed.

«Yeah, think so...but I want a ride on that anyway»

«You’ll have it. Now try to sleep, uh?»

«Can you...can you stay on the line? I think I’ll sleep on the couch anyway»

«Sure».

So Bin started talking and talking about whatever crossed his mind, until Dongmin wasn’t answering anymore and he could hear his usual steady breathing that showed he was asleep. He closed the call and sighed, hoping he wouldn’t have to pick up the pieces of a broken-hearted Dongmin the following day.

 

A text. A plain, simple text got Bin shaking in rage or fear or worry or maybe a mixture of all three, he couldn’t really tell.

 

 **From:** Minnie

**Today at 11:16 AM**

**Text:** Bin...please hurry

 

Nothing else, just “please hurry” and Bin was running around in the house, looking for his motorbike’s keys. When he received the text he was still in his pyjamas, half asleep and sipping on his black coffee. Four minutes later his coffee was forgotten in the counter and he was tying his shoelaces, ready to leave (he realised he left his keys on his jeans’ pocket, as always).

He never drove past the speed limit, but that was his first exception. When he arrived at Dongjun’s house he didn’t need to ring the bell, the door was open and Dongmin was out there, sitting on the doorstep and looking like he lost all the will to even make a move. Bin parked in the worst way possible and jumped off, throwing his helmet somewhere near the motorbike (he didn’t really have time to check were it went) before rushing to him and holding him tight in his arms, trying to get him to react somehow.

Dongmin’s expression stayed blank and Bin was freaking out, but a few moments later he felt the older lean on him, as if he recognised his touch.

«You threw your helmet...» he said, voice thin as if he had just stopped screaming.

«Who gives a fuck about a stupid helmet, Minnie what happened? What...do you need me to drive you off? To beat him up? Please talk to me, it’s okay, you’re safe, tell me what happened…»

«I was right»

«Yeah, that’s kind of your thing...about what you were right?»

«Him being different for a reason»

«What reason?» Bin had a terrible feeling and he hoped it was wrong, because he didn’t want to break his knuckles and he also didn’t want Dongmin to go through such a thing. But of course he had to be right the only time he wished he was wrong. Dongmin looked at him, and Bin swore he saw a hollow in his eyes.

«He’s cheating on me. He...I broke up with him» Bin hugged him tight, but he knew his best friend enough to know that he wasn’t going to cry there, where his ex could see him. He was going to hold it in until he was alone, or with Bin. Now, the worry for his best friend was being quickly overcome with another feeling, a feeling he knew too well.

He stood up and before Dongmin could stop him he ran into the house.

«Where are you?» his voice was oddly firm. «Where are you, useless piece of shit?»

He didn’t need to search though, he found him on the couch sitting so nonchalantly that Bin wanted to hit him even more. So he just followed his instinct and grabbed him by his hair, ignoring his cry of pain as he slammed his body against the first wall he found.

«I warned you if my memory isn’t fooling me. Do you remember? I warned you. Just one more time, you make him suffer one more time and you’ll regret it»

«Don’t touch me!» Dongjun yelled, as if that was going to work. «I’ll report you!»

«Wow, I’m so afraid, I’m sorry but who are you? Son of some CEO? Again, if my memory doesn’t fool me, your parents own a restaurant and that’s it. So what, are you going to cry to mommy and daddy about some evil boy that punched you? I’d love to see that»

«BIN!» Dongmin’s voice. «Bin let him go, please let him go! It’s not worth it, it’s…please Binnie…»

«I’m not worth your precious best friend getting his little hand hurt?» Bin slammed him against the wall harder (Dongmin whined).

«Don’t you dare talk to him with that tone. I already told you, you don’t own him and moreover you just don’t fucking deserve anything after what you did! How dare you cheat on him? How?»

«I-»

«Do yourself a favour and shut your mouth»

«Binnie let’s go, please, please…»

«Listen to him, _Binnie._ Bet you’re all words anyway, you won’t hit me».

The first punch hit Dongjun straight up on his face. There would have been a second, a third and so on if only Dongmin hadn’t grabbed his hand and held it tight for a few seconds before talking.

«Bin, calm down, please, listen to me…calm down, you’ll hurt your hand and he’s not worth it, you know he’s not» he spoke with a firm tone, so cold that it got Bin shivering even if the coldness wasn’t directed at him. But it worked anyway, because the boy calmed down and listened to Dongmin.

«You’re right, Minnie» he said, and gestured him to go. The older hesitated and looked at Bin for a few seconds, making him understand that he wanted to talk to Dongjun privately. So he nodded and got closer to kiss his forehead, ignoring the scoff that came from Dongjun.

«I’ll be outside» he whispered in his ear before heading off the apartment. He waited near the motorbike (the helmet he had thrown before had fortunately just a scratch on the back) trying to figure out what to do next. What scared him the most was that Dongmin still showed no reaction. He should have, right? Dongjun was a scumbag but he still had been Dongmin’s boyfriend for years. He had no clue on how relationships worked but he was sure Dongmin loved him and now they weren’t together anymore, so what now? Dongmin wasn’t the type to cry in front of someone, but at some point his walls would have to break…and maybe it would be too late for Bin to be there. After all Dongmin had to leave the following day, regardless his heart was broken or not he had to go back to Incheon and work. The distance never felt so heavy in Bin’s heart, nothing felt worse than knowing his best friend would have to face his heart break alone.

He didn’t have a lot of time to think that through, cause in that moment Dongmin came out of the house with his bag and closed the door behind him without looking back once. Bin pulled out his best warming smile and handed him the other helmet he had brought just for him.

«Ready for your first ride, sir?» he asked, making Dongmin smile for a brief moment.

«Whenever you’re ready, mister». Bin laughed and got on the motorcycle, helping him as well. Dongmin wrapped his arms around Bin’s waist, recommending him to go slow. The younger just shrugged and started the motorbike, smiling softly when he felt the grip on his hips tightening a little.

Apart from Dongmin’s occasional squeals when Bin went too fast or did a harsh turn, the ride home was silent. It was the first time Dongmin entered the house after he moved out, and he looked around in silence at first.   
«You didn’t change anything»

«No. I…it felt good when you were here, if I change things it’s going to feel like home even less than it already does. So yeah...I didn’t change anything»

«It’s messier though» Dongmin pointed out, and Bin nodded, feeling a bit like a 5-year-old scolded by his mum. But the older seemed to notice his discomfort and tugged at his shirt playfully to make him smile. «It’s okay, Binnie. It’s how you are, I like it».

Bin was smiling again, but he knew it wasn’t going to last. He could see how Dongmin was keeping himself from falling apart, but for how much could he hold it in until he exploded? He had to say something, maybe try and make him talk. He opened his mouth to speak, but his best friend beat him on it.

«Binnie, can I..use your shower? These clothes smell like him..actually I smell like him and I hate it»

«You don’t have to ask, Minnie…you know where my clothes are, take whatever you want» Dongmin thanked him and made his way to the bathroom, while Bin just sat on the couch, waiting for him in silence.

When he came back, dressed in Bin’s clothes and with his hair still damp from the shower, he stayed silent once again. He didn’t smile either. He simply sat down next to him and curled against Bin’s chest, just like they had done many times before. Bin held him, knowing that the break down was close. Sadly, he wasn’t wrong that time either.

«Bin…I loved him» and just like that Dongmin was crying. A legit break down, with tears, sobs and all.

Bin had never seen his Dongmin in such a state. He did cry a few times in the past, out of stress or exhaustion, but there were barely tears and it never lasted much. This was way worse, and it didn’t seem to end. Bin held him against his chest, letting him cry his eyes out on his shirt, letting him fist it to the point it threatened to break, but Bin couldn’t care less. All he cared about was that his best friend was hurting, his heart what shattered on the ground and he couldn’t do anything about it. All he could do was hold him and keep whispering kind words to soothe him, but soon enough he started tearing up too. He wasn’t good with feelings, he never knew how to show them, but seeing the person he cared for the most like that made all his walls break; they sat there holding each other and crying for who knows how long. At some point Bin was sure Dongmin was having trouble breathing, so he forced him away from his chest to let him take in fresh air, but he still kept him close to him. Dongmin never let go, holding on to him as if his life depended on it. When it finally came to an end they both looked awful, their faces red and their eyes puffy as ever. They looked at each other and they couldn’t do anything but burst out laughing, because no matter how sad the situation was, their faces were too hilarious. When they stopped laughing Bin reached over to hand him tissues and they both wiped their faces, taking their time to breathe properly again.

«Why did you cry with me?»

«Because we’re best friends, Dongmin…we share happy and sad moments and we laugh together and cry together, remember? We promised that when we were kids»

«You still remember that promise…» Dongmin looked surprised, somehow even touched.

«Of course I do. It’s our promise…»  they hugged and Bin held him tight again, hoping he could see the usual spark in Dongmin’s eyes once they let go again.

Obviously it didn’t happen, but Bin thought he was being a little impatient. His best friend had just gotten his heart broken, he couldn’t expect him to be fine after an afternoon spent crying. This wasn’t just him stressing over exams or being tired because of too many hours at work, this was completely different and all he could do this time was stay by his side, be his strength and help him on his feet again, no matter how long it would take.

«When will you have to leave?» Bin asked after a while, still stroking his best friend’s hair in a soothing motion.

«Tomorrow, in the afternoon..I promised my parents I’d be home before dinner so I wouldn’t go to bed too late…I have work on Monday»

«Will you be okay by then?»

«I have to, Bin…and anyway I’m not alone, I have you»

«Yeah but I’m here and you’ll be there.»

«As if I don’t know that you’ll keep a backpack ready from now on, just in case I call and I need you»

«You know me so well». That had Dongmin laughing. Bin chuckled along and pulled him so he would rest his head on Bin’s chest.

«I have a question, Bin»

«Go ahead»

«What…what were you talking about, back at his house? You said something like...you warned him?»

«Ah, yeah. That».

 Dongmin just stared at him, so Bin sighed and gave him the answers he wanted.

«Remember the day you told him you were going back to Incheon? You two had an argument. Well…the next day he was the one waking you up, right? Before that…we had an argument as well. And I told him…I told him if he hurt you one more time then he’d regret it. So yeah…I warned him»

«You…you’re unbelievable, really…but it’s nice, knowing you had my back all this time»

«I’ve had your back since I was nine»

«Fair enough» they smiled to each other and then fell into their own comfortable silence for a while. Dongmin was the one who broke it, voice low and full of insecurities.

«What am I going to do now, Bin-ah?»

«You’ll go back to work. Smile as if nothing happened because he’s not worth your tears. Keep going because it’s not the end, Dongmin, and because you know I’ll always be here for you…that will never change. And then..maybe you’ll meet someone else, someone better» he didn’t know why but he really didn’t like that thought. As soon as the words left his mouth he found himself hoping they wouldn’t become true.

«I’ll see. Right now I just want to stand up again and…I only want my best friend, no boyfriends for a while» the older replied, running a hand on Bin’s side.

 It was almost comforting, cuddling like that again as if those months apart were just a dream. They both knew they had to part again, but it couldn’t hurt to hope that they didn’t need to. Just for a little while.

The “little while” ended when Bin gave Dongmin a ride to the subway station the next day, so he could go back to Incheon again. The older clung to his bag, not wanting to say goodbye that soon.

«Next ride in 4 minutes and 35 seconds!» Bin said, making a funny robotic voice to make Dongmin laugh. It worked, but just for a bit. Next thing he knew his best friend was hugging him tight, and who was he to deny him one last hug?

«Thank you, Binnie. For…everything. Having my back, coming to take me away from him…thank you for being always here when I need you»

«I swear to God Dongmin, if you make me cry in a public place I will sue you» Dongmin smiled at him, shaking his head.

«Do you really think it would be a good idea to sue a lawyer?»

«…damn it» they both laughed this time, still clinging to each other, and stayed like that until they calmed down, becoming serious once again.

«Minnie, if..anything happens or you need me…»

«I’ll call you or text you. Promise»

«It takes me half an hour to reach you, maybe less if I speed up with my motorbike and-»

«And if you ride past the speed limits I will be the one suing you» Bin laughed at that, but stopped as soon as he heard the subway approaching. Dongmin must have heard it too, cause his eyes darkened a little.

«Text me when you arrive okay? Say hi to your parents for me»

«Will do. Bin?»

«Yeah?»

«Love you»

Bin smiled and leaned in to kiss his forehead. «Love you too» he whispered, just before the doors opened. Reluctantly, Dongmin broke the half hug and got in the subway, turning to wave at Bin one last time before the doors closed and the subway started again.

The younger didn’t like the idea of leaving Dongmin alone when he needed him most, but they didn’t have a choice. He sighed, keeping his head down while he walked towards his motorcycle. He was ready to drive back home (he had a pretty tight schedule the next day and wanted to be ready and well-rested) but he stopped when his phone buzzed, showing one unread text.

**From:** Minnie

**Today at 16:11 PM**

**Text:** By the way, you drive exactly like you live. You reckless pig-head <3

 

Bin smiled and shook his head, placing his phone back in his pocket.

 

 

 

 

A few months passed since that day, and Bin didn’t let a day go on without calling his best friend. They were both so busy sometimes during the week that they couldn’t text or call each other until late at night, but they didn’t mind as long as they got to talk, not even if the usual night call would have them both exhausted the next day. Bin still went back during the weekends and they hung out in the usual square, as if nothing changed. The younger used the days they were together to check on Dongmin with his own eyes, because no matter how many times he told Bin he was fine, Bin was thick-headed and needed to see it in person (if Dongmin noticed about his new weird habit of staring and studying him, he never said anything). Bin knew his friend wanted to get over his relationship alone and without any help but he couldn’t help himself one Saturday when he found Dongmin looking more tired than ever and unusually down. They had agreed not to talk about it, but that day Bin forced him to sit on their spot and faced him with a glare that spoke enough for him to understand.

«Bin, we agreed on-»

«I know what we agreed on Minnie, but you look awful and I want to know everything, so spill»

«You won’t let go, will you?»

«Nope, not at all. You can talk to me Dongmin, I’m your friend, remember?»

«I do remember, you idiot! I just…»

«Look. I understand, okay? You want to make it alone, I get it and I support you but everyone needs a hand sometimes, you have to admit this…I’m here for you»

That finally made Dongmin sigh and speak up. Bin sat down next to him and allowed him to rest his head on his shoulder in their usual “talking” position.

«I- well, to be honest I think I’d find it way harder, but…I don’t know. Maybe the fact that I already felt like we were drifting apart helped, or the distance itself… I don’t know really, I just thought it would be harder to forget, I mean, almost five years…but then…it felt so different the last months that I actually feel relieved in some ways, it’s just that…I miss the feeling, I miss how it felt to know that I had someone with me, and…on days like this, you know…when my boss is angry even at unanimated objects and takes it out by screaming at everyone, when I’m tired after a whole week of work, it just…it feels heavier to bear, that’s it»

Bin didn’t quite know how to answer that. He never experienced a serious relationship so he didn’t know how it felt and he didn’t know how to comfort his friend. In the end he found himself stroking his hair quietly for a while, and when he spoke again he regretted it instantly (mainly because he was afraid of the answer, but he didn’t really want to admit that to himself).

«Are you still in love with him?» Dongmin didn’t answer straight away and Bin waited, almost holding his breath.

«I don’t think so. I don’t…know, it’s weird, but I guess you can’t keep loving someone that hurt you that bad, can you?»

«No, if you have at least a little love for yourself I guess not…»

«Right. And I do, so now there’s just…a void, wherever my love for him was. I guess that void is the problem, it makes me feel…empty» Bin held him tighter, as if that would help him fill that void. Dongmin read right through his action and just smiled, letting his friend hug him.

«You know» the younger said after a few seconds «these are the times when I think I was right about not wanting a relationship…it’s not worth it, not if you end up hurting»

«The thing is, Bin…that if it’s the right person then it’s worth at least the risk»

«And was he the right person?»

«No» Dongmin said after a few seconds of silence. It must have been hard for him, Bin thought. Realising that the person he loved so much for almost 5 years was the wrong one, it sure felt as bad as it sounded.

He went back on stroking his hair gently with the hand that wasn’t holding him, and that gesture brought a smile in the older’s lips again.

«You know what mum told me the other day?»

«What?»

«That it was amazing how me and you still have the relationship we had when we were kids»

«I have a feeling that that “amazing” holds something else behind»

«Of course it does…she was trying to be nice but I think she finds it weird more than “amazing”. That, and then the fact that I never had a girlfriend nor I was interested…» Bin gasped.

«Do you think she’s going to put two and two together?»

«I don’t know…could be. Be careful with your parents too»

«I think it’s time to put a password on my lock screen when I go home…» Dongmin made a face at that.

«I don’t really want to believe my parents would actually invade my personal space like that»

Bin chuckled and placed a careless kiss on the crown of his head, making him laugh. «That’s why you have me to remind you the world is an awful place. You put too much trust in people»

«In _wrong_ people, you might add.» Bin sighed, knowing he was still thinking about Dongjun. He silently hoped their little talk didn’t make him feel worse.

«It’s all going to be okay, Dongmin. Don’t worry about your parents»

If only Bin had known better, he wouldn’t have said that.

 

 

 

 

Bin was starting to get worried. It was a Thursday and he had nothing scheduled for the day so he had simply decided to stay at home and watch movies, hoping on the usual cheering texts from Dongmin that always helped him kill the time whenever he had nothing to do…but he didn’t get any.

 _It isn’t weird,_ he tried to convince himself. _He works hard, maybe he didn’t find the time._ He really tried to believe that, but there was this uneasy feeling in his chest and he swore he could somehow tell something was off. _I’m just being a psycho. He’ll laugh and tell me I worry too much._

So he didn’t send texts or call him, forcing himself away from the phone as much as he could to resist the urge to check on him.

When he finally got one text he threw himself over the phone, opening the notification instantly.

 

 **From:** Minnie

**Today at 20:26 PM**

**Text:** Bin..I need you. Do not answer this, okay? It’s better if you don’t. Just…please I need you, you understand what I mean right?

 

Of course he did. The instant he read the message he stood up and took the already packed bag he kept around for any emergency and started looking for his motorcycle’s keys. When he realised he probably wouldn’t find them in a short time he just gave up and ran to the subway station, thinking that he probably was too shaken to actually drive. He would have driven past the speed limit and most likely crashed and he didn’t need that, what he needed was to get to Dongmin as soon as possible. He tried to remind himself of that but the more time he spent sitting on the subway the more agonizing it felt. His fingers ached for how much he was forcing them still (otherwise he would text Dongmin when he openly asked him not to) and his legs basically refused to respond to his brain, resulting on them bouncing up and down and earning a few weird stares from the people around him. When the subway finally reached the last stop he threw himself to the doors and began to run as soon as he was out.

He knew the streets like the back of his hands. The familiarity he always loved suddenly felt weird and the bad feeling he had only grew stronger, especially when he reached their square, their place, and Dongmin wasn’t there. They _always_ met there, they had some sort of a silent agreement and Bin knew Dongmin wouldn’t break it like that.

The boy swallowed down his anxiety and kept running, stopping only when he reached Dongmin’s house. Silence. He took the key he knew was hidden under the mat and opened the door, feeling like he was going to explode in seconds.

«Dongmin?» his voice was oddly shaking. The only reply he got was a muffled sound coming from Dongmin’s bedroom and he got there in no time. His best friend was facing the window and he rushed to him, hugging him from behind. «I’m here» he whispered, and Dongmin’s hands found his. Bin rested his head on Dongmin’s shoulder and peeked to see his face: the boy looked out of it, as it happened every time he was sad, but that wasn’t what scared Bin. What scared him was that his eyes were puffy, a sign that he had been crying, and it seemed as if all the light was stolen from them. It reminded him of when he and Dongjun broke up, but Bin knew just from one glance that this time was way, way worse.

Dongmin still hadn’t said a single word but Bin knew he had to wait, so he simply dragged them both on the older’s bed so he could hug him better and wait for him to talk.

Then, suddenly, Dongmin broke down crying. Bin was startled and for a moment he couldn’t even move, but quickly came back to his senses and began to comfort him, holding him tight and asking question after question in a desperate attempt to get answers. It took him a while, but Dongmin finally started explaining. There were mostly confused words and sentences usually broken by sudden sobs but it was enough for Bin to make out a decent explanation.

Dongmin had refused to put a password on his phone. He had fallen asleep two days ago with his phone on his hand reading his and Dongjun’s chat (so he still hadn’t deleted it), his mother had found him like that and had taken the phone to place it on the nightstand, but then she apparently felt like invading his privacy and unlocked it, and there it was, the proof that his only son was gay.

The next evening she and her husband had faced him together, calling him names and telling him no-one would have to find out, and then that day they had called him while he was at work and told him they were going to arrange a marriage for him, so he would keep his nasty secret forever.

Bin felt the sudden need to throw up as he let it all sink in. _This is all wrong,_ he thought. _This isn’t how things are supposed to be._ An arranged marriage…he knew it wasn’t that unusual, but just the thought of Dongmin marrying a woman chosen by his parents made him want to scream. It wasn’t fair, hell it was a nightmare and Bin was ready to do anything to help his best friend out of it.

And the solution came to his mind as a sudden lightning, making it clear for him. He knew what he had to do.

Dongmin was still clinging to him crying his eyes out, and Bin had to lift his face to actually look at him and make sure he listened.

«Minnie, baby» he said, the nickname slipping from his lips (did he really care at that point?) «listen to me. There’s no way I’m leaving you alone in this okay? I’m here now, I’ll help you»

«How? They-they already made arrangements with...this family apparently…and I...» Bin silenced him with a finger on his lips, shaking his head lightly.

«You _nothing_ Dongmin, okay? You don’t have to do anything. Now…I need to make a phone call Minnie, I’ll be right outside, okay? I think it’s going to be quick anyway»

Dongmin’s eyebrows curled in confusion but he didn’t question it, instead wiping his eyes with his shirt’s sleeve. Bin tried to pull out his best reassuring smile and kissed his forehead before standing up and hurrying outside, looking for the number that could potentially save his best friend’s life. He dialled it right after, letting out a sigh of relief when someone answered rather quickly.

 

When Bin returned, Dongmin was in the same exact position as he had left him. The younger could tell he was deep in thought, especially since he hadn’t even flinched when he had entered the room; it took a full hug from behind and a kiss on the cheek to finally acknowledge his presence.

«So who did you call?» he asked, sounding as lifeless as ever. Bin found himself smiling his bright puppy smile (earning a look of utter confusion from Dongmin) and took a couple of seconds before answering, knowing his best friend would calmly wait for him anyway.

«Well…do you remember my last dance competition?»

«The one you won…yes, I do»

«There was an American choreographer in there, behind the jury…he- well he kind of noticed me, you know? And approached me before I went away. He offered me to work for him. And I mean, he’s pretty famous, it was a huge opportunity…»

Dongmin gasped, looking at him with wide eyes. «Why the hell didn’t you say anything? And…what the fuck, Bin! It’s huge, seriously, you should have told me, you dickhead, I told you straight away! Wait…you said no, right? You said no, idiot!» then he proceeded to hit him with his bare hands, but it was so weak that had Bin laughing right away.

«If you’d let me finish maybe you’d know!»

«Then finish!»

«I didn’t say no, I said.. I needed to think about it. Which he totally understood, because he was asking me to move in another damn continent…he gave me 6 months to decide. I called him now, to tell him I’m accepting..and you’re coming with me»

That’s when Dongmin finally connected the dots. He realised what all of that was about, and Bin could see his face falling. He gulped, trying to swallow his nervousness away.

«Bin…I can’t. I work here, my life is here, you can’t just ask me to…»

«But that’s the point, Minnie! I would never have asked you something like that, never, I was going to refuse because I couldn’t stand to be that far from you and I couldn’t ask you to move with me, but then this…the life you live now, every bit of it, will be shattered the second they marry you off to that girl,  do you understand? You won’t be living your life anymore, just a lie, an awful lie, Dongmin! You can’t, you deserve a good life, with…a husband and a family but a family _you_ chose, a happy and healthy family…move with me, leave all this behind, we won’t even look back, we’ll start over there…please» he ended up holding both his hands as he spoke, trying to convince him with his words and his body too.  
«But he offered you a job, what about me? And hell, what about the language Bin? I know English, you don’t, it’s…crazy, we can’t...»

«Your…well, your boss right now loves you right? Just ask him to write a reference about you, he’s important, you’ll find something right away! As for the language… I’ll learn, who cares, it’s okay»

Dongmin stayed silent for a while, trying to process it all in his head. Bin noticed he hadn’t let go of his hands yet, and that for some reason had his heart beating twice as fast. He didn’t know how long Dongmin sat there thinking, but it felt like forever.

«You’re…a complete, total, full idiot Moon Bin. Not to mention you’re crazy» was all he said when he looked up.  
Bin knew that meant it was a yes. They hugged for a long time, ignoring the noise coming from downstairs that meant that his parents were home. No one came to check on Dongmin anyway, so Bin didn’t care about it.

«God…what about military service?» Dongmin asked after a  while, his voice shaking.

«Well…I highly doubt they’ll call in two months, but even if they do…we’re moving to the US, they can’t force us to go»

«No, but they’ll force us to give up on our Korean citizenship…»

«I know…but we won’t need that, right?»

«This was our home, Bin…»

The younger stayed silent for a while. He knew what the other felt, it was hard to think about what they were going to leave behind, and the unknown scared them both, he knew it. It was the same when they moved to Seoul after high school, only in a smaller scale.  
Now it was big. And scarier. And forever, because they both knew they weren’t going to come back home this time.

Bin leaned in and kissed his forehead.

«It was. But we’re going to be together, right? It will become home»

«Home» Dongmin echoed, holding his hand tighter.

 

 

 

 

«Mom, dad, I have to tell you something»

Bin chose the next morning to talk to their parents, knowing his father had an afternoon shift and his mom was going to be home anyway.

«Sure, sweetie» his mom smiled, looking at him fondly- just like she always did. _I’m probably going to lose this too after I spill the tea._

He waited for his father to put down the newspaper, took a deep breath, and then started talking.

Once he began talking, words came one after another and it was impossible for him to stop. He obviously left out details that weren’t relevant -his fuck buddy of 5 years being one of them, but he tried to make it as clear as possible. He didn’t look up from the table, not even once, until he reached the last part. He looked into his father’s eyes when he announced he was going to move to America, just to make sure how serious his intentions were, then he simply fell silent, waiting for a reaction (any reaction, really) from his parents. He could feel himself start dripping cold sweat as his father took deep breath after deep breath, almost as if he wanted to say something but stopped himself right before. When he finally spoke, he wasn’t addressing him.

«I told you» he said to his wife. Bin furrowed his brows in confusion, the woman sighed.

«Honey, it’s...»

«No, I told you years ago, when you decided to make him model, I told you that world could turn him into a faggot, but you didn’t listen and look what you did now!»

Bin looked down, swallowing down anger and disappointment. What was he expecting, really? He knew it, he was ready for it. Then why did it hurt so much?

His father looked directly at him this time.

«I’m giving you this morning to pack the few things you left here, then I want you out of this house, you understand?»

«Yes, I understand» he answered coldly, then stood up and rushed to his old bedroom, closing the door behind him.

He was halfway on dialling Dongmin’s number when his mother entered his room, sitting next to him on the bed without a word. Bin felt like he should say something so he spoke up, and his voice had never shaken so much.

«Mum, I’m sorry» he simply said, feeling like he was going to choke on his own tears. His mother looked up at him, with her usual warm smile and caring eyes, and Bin felt like crying even more.

«Don’t be, baby. Don’t be sorry for something you can’t help. You’re...this way, it’s okay, you’re still the same, right? Still my baby boy…» Bin hugged her, unable to stop the tears this time. If his mother heard him crying, she said nothing about it. Instead, she held him tight, stroking on his hair just like she did when he was younger. They kept like that, postponing the moment when they would say goodbye as if they could avoid it forever and when Bin calmed down he simply sat straight again, drying his tears with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. His mother was the first to speak, her voice steady and calm.

«I’ve always thought you’d be like this»

«Like… What, gay?» she chuckled, shaking her head at his confusion.

«No, sweetie… I mean, that too- a good parent just feels these kind of things, you know? I meant…unconditionally giving your everything for the person you love»

«What… I don’t love Dongmin, he’s my best friend»

«Baby… I love you, I really do, but that sounded stupid»

«Mum!»

«I’m sorry honey but seriously, think about it for a second! You have your life in Seoul, you’re a pretty much successful model and an even more successful dancer, you get this huge offer and almost refuse it and then you find out about this mess and you don’t even think about it twice, you call and accept the offer and set things up so he can come with you… You’re reckless, you’ve always been, but this is more honey. You love that boy and you love him so much that you’d risk your own career for him. If this isn’t love, then what is it?»

Bin thought about it for a while. The thing was that this whole topic scared him, and it scared him because it awfully made sense.

The fact that he never felt any romantic attraction for anybody, the fact that he boiled with anger every time Dongmin suffered because of his boyfriend, and the times he felt that weird feeling on his chest whenever he saw them interacting- jealousy, was that it? And really, in love with his best friend?

He had always labelled those feelings as friendship. An unusual one, where their concept of hanging out was watch a movie while hugging, where he would wake up every morning with his texts and fall asleep every night with his voice in his ears, but it was their special thing, their bond. Ever since they were kids, wherever Bin was Dongmin was too, they never really separated, so he always guessed it was normal. Always, up until now. He glanced up at his mother and she must have read the look of confusion and fear in his eyes, because she took his hand and talked again, her calming voice soothing her son as usual.

«It’s not that uncommon, you know? Your dad was my best friend too when we were kids. Feeling of friendship are easy and likely to change to something deeper, especially if you’re particularly close, and you two are. You were like twins when you were little, and then moved in together, living that close for so long…I’d say it was like bound to happen someday»

«What…why do you think that? And what am I supposed to do now? Mum…I’m scared»

«I know you are, it’s scary after all, but…right now you have more important stuff to think about, you’re moving to another state…so focus on that, Binnie, one thing at a time, okay?»

His mother was right, after all. Whether he had feelings for Dongmin or not he didn’t have the time to think about it, not now. He smiled, a bit reassured, and looking at his mother’s face he realised how much he would miss her. So he told her that, causing her to smile (he noticed her eyes watering a bit, but she didn’t mention it and neither did he).

«I’ll miss you too, honey, but we’ll stay in touch okay? Call me once a week, like you always do, I will answer»

His father called for her in that exact moment and she sighed. They both knew that could be the last time they saw each other, so they hugged tightly, a silent goodbye lingering in the air.

«Thanks for everything, mum»

«Remember what I said, Binnie» and with that she left, leaving her son to pack his bags.

 

«You cried» was the first thing Dongmin said when they met in the afternoon. «Did they take it badly?»

Bin raised his two bags as an answer, and Dongmin sighed. «Mum didn’t, though. She said she just felt it… and that it doesn’t change anything»

«As it should be…» the sadness in that sentence was so obvious Bin felt the need to hug him, and so he did.

«What about your boss?» he asked, still holding him.

«He asked for four weeks of work, I have to train the new employee he hired, and then he’ll write a reference. And your work?»

«I’ll call them tomorrow and see what we can do, I believe in one month we’ll be able to move»

Dongmin stayed silent for a while and Bin let him think in peace, waiting for him to speak up as always.

«This is so scary» he said in the end, resting his head on Bin’s shoulder.

«It is…but we’ll be together» he turned to kiss his forehead. His mother’s words echoed in his head, and suddenly that small gesture felt so different. _One thing at a time._

As both him and his mum had predicted, the following month was hectic to say the least. Dongmin went back to their house in Seoul (he couldn’t have been happier about it) and travelled every day to his work in Incheon, while he spent his days going through offices one after another to make sure everything was set for the time they’d take the plane and leave forever.

Dongmin had taken responsibility for Bin’s English and every day he would teach him something («Do I really have to know every irregular verb? Probably they don’t know them either!» «They do, Bin. Shut up») or make him watch English shows. Without subtitles, of course, Bin hated it. But he had to admit it was helpful since he was getting considerably better every day.

By the end of the month he was able to express himself and understand the necessary to avoid appearing like a complete idiot, and Dongmin was satisfied and reassured him he’d only get better once they were in the US.

Bin never mentioned it, but he had noticed Dongmin’s eyes had slowly regained the spark they used to have. His smiles seemed bigger, his laugh louder. He never mentioned it but he was sure Dongmin noticed too, and he got a warm feeling every time he watched him laugh. It was subtle at first, he was so used to feeling like that that he barely even thought about it, but his mum’s words never really left his brain so he just knew what was going on in his head. He didn’t allow himself to brood about it, at least not until they were still in Seoul and so busy they barely had time to eat.

But the instant they sat next to each other on the plane and his mind was free, the thoughts he had been so good at delaying came back, stronger than ever. He had taken the seat next to the window, as Dongmin was too afraid to have full access to it. He was holding tight on his hand as the plane went off, and Bin thought his heart was going to burst off his chest. It was the first time on a plane for both of them so their eyes were fixated on the window for the first minutes of their flight, until they were too high in the sky to see clearly so they just looked at each other. Bin knew what the other was thinking, but he waited for him to express himself.

«We’re doing it, Bin. We’re leaving. Shit, we’re seriously leaving!» he laughed and Bin did too, tightening the hold on his hand.

«Yeah, we’re leaving» he echoed, still smiling widely. «Oh, they have movies! Wanna watch something?»

«You do that, I have to finish a few applications…»

In the past week Dongmin had written so many applications the younger had lost count. He had received a few positive answers too but he still hadn’t stopped looking for a job, “to make sure I have something in my hands” he said. So Bin simply nodded and put on his earphones, playing the first movie he could find.

Half an hour later Dongmin closed his laptop and rested his head on Bin’s shoulder. The latter felt him sighing a little so he wrapped his arm around his shoulders and passed him an earphone, hoping the movie would distract him from whatever thought was bothering him. He didn’t have to worry too much though, cause literally ten minutes later Dongmin was fast asleep, his arm laying comfortably on Bin’s waist. Suddenly, the movie didn’t seem so interesting and all Bin was able to do was stare at his sleeping best friend, silently admiring him. He thought about taking a picture but he changed his mind instantly, that was too sappy even for him. His mother’s voice echoed in his head, telling him that he had to confess eventually, but he forced that voice silent. _I have time,_ he thought. _We’re literally not even away from the Pacific yet._ So he just focused on the movie again and tuned down all those worrying thoughts, and soon enough he was asleep too.

 

The New York airport was huge. Bin and Dongmin kept looking around while waiting for their luggage and still couldn’t wrap their heads around how big it was.

«You know what» Bin said, looking up at the signs «if you hadn’t taught me English I would’ve been so lost here».

That had Dongmin chuckling as he retrieved their stuff. «Yeah, I told you so dumbass. And you still were so whiny about it!»

«Shut up, English is hard! Who needs all those abbreviations anyway»

«One could say the same about our numeration system, Bin. Seriously, we have two different ways to say numbers and more vowels than you even know and here you are complaining about English abbreviations»

«I am too sleepy for this conversation Minnie, shut up» Bin said as he wrapped his arm around Dongmin’s shoulder and began walking towards the exit «what time is it and when are we supposed to meet the landlord? I’m so confused…»

The older boy chuckled, poking Bin’s nose affectionately «Sleepyhead…it’s 1:53 PM New York’s time, and we have to meet him at 3 PM»

«Wow, I can’t wait» Bin said, sarcasm heavy on his voice. That had Dongmin laugh again.

 

 

 

 

«I swear, mum, the land lord looked so much like a cartoon character! Like, big blue eyes and so fat he barely went through doors, it was hilarious! I told that to Minnie and he couldn’t look at him in the eyes for the rest of the meeting»

«Binnie! You shouldn’t say such things about your elders! And poor Dongmin, he has to keep up with you now»

«As if he isn’t used to it! And it’s not like the landlord can hear or understand me since he’s upstairs and I’m talking in Korean, mum»

«Right. How’s the language?»

«Dongmin does the speaking for now, but I understand pretty well if they speak slowly so I say it’s okay for now»

«When do you start working?»

«So many questions mum! I start next week… Dongmin has two interviews tomorrow so I’m saying he’s also starting next week» Bin heard Dongmin complaining about bad luck from his seat and just chuckled, ignoring his best friend’s antics.

«Oh, he does? Wish him good luck then!»

«Will do, mum! I have to go now, I still haven’t started unpacking...»

«Lazy as usual I see! Head up Binnie, okay?»

«Head up, mum. Bye!»

He hung up after his greeting and sighed, a smile slowly fading from his lips. His gaze went to Dongmin, who was calmly looking for possible mistakes in his work applications and reviewing what he was supposed to say in the interviews.

«You know, looking at me is not going to help you unpack your stuff» Dongmin said, a sweet smile softening his features. Bin felt something blooming in his chest.

«I know, but I’m sleepy I don’t want to unpack hyung» Bin said in his trademark whiny tone and showing off his best pout- to no use, since Dongmin wasn’t looking at him.

«Quit pouting, cause yeah before you ask I know you are pouting without even looking, and go unpack you overgrown puppy» his best friend replied smugly. Bin scoffed and got up, giving up on his pout.

«Fine, but you are mean and I’m not talking to you anymore!»

That had Dongmin laughing. «Sure, sweetheart».

 

 

 

 

Living in America was easier than Bin thought it would. Aside from a few embarrassing accidents due to his broken English, working at the dance studio wasn’t that hard. The choreographer who hired him (his name was Jayson, and he was a pretty funny person) talked to him about the possibility to become a choreographer or teacher as well once his English got a bit better and Bin couldn’t be more happy. He missed modelling, but between work and his feelings for Dongmin he barely had time to think about it.

Speaking of Dongmin. He and his flawless English had found a good job nearly two weeks after they moved, his smile had returned in all its beauty and Bin found himself staring more and more each passing day. His mother thought he should try and talk to him about it (especially since he was not that subtle about his staring and he was sure Dongmin noticed and chuckled to himself all the time) but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, no matter how many times he tried to force himself.

Despite his troubled feelings, he noticed that something about their relationship changed. It was subtle at first, so much that he wasn’t able to notice, but once again his mother made him notice, one day when they decided to have a video call. While they were in the middle of chatting Dongmin announced he was going to buy some groceries at the convenience store and then proceeded to give Bin a kiss on the cheek, a habit they had established every time one of them went out. But when he turned to his mother again she was staring at him with an eyebrow raised, clearly ready to question it. Bin knew that conversation by heart thanks to all the times he had revised it in his head.

«What the hell was that?»

«Uh, goodbye kiss?»

«Honey, did you always do this?»

«Oh…I mean not really? Usually we hugged and that was it, but ever since we came here we do this, so it’s normal I guess?»

«Not for two totally platonic best friends, no... Baby I think something is changing between you two and you need to address it»

«I know, mum, I just… I can’t!»

«Are you afraid?»

«He’s my best friend, mum…»

«I know honey. But  I saw how he looks at you, you won’t lose him»

 

Those last words stuck to his brain and rang in his ears every time he and Dongmin were close to each other, which seemed to happen more and more as days went by. He began to notice how one of them would always wrap his arms around the other while they were in the kitchen making something (that was usually Dongmin as Bin was only allowed there to make coffee), or how they cuddled on the couch every night until they were half asleep and only then they would go to their separate rooms. And in the past week, Bin had taken the habit to wake up in the middle of the night and slip in Dongmin’s bed, mumbling something about being cold. Dongmin usually shushed him and they woke up cuddling in the morning, smiling at each other as if it was completely normal. When they were close like that, the urge to kiss him was so strong Bin was scared he’d end up doing it sooner or later.

And then there were their “dates”. Bin called them like that (and boy he loved how it sounded in his head) since he couldn’t find a better word to describe them. Every Saturday he got off work a bit before Dongmin, so he walked to his workplace, picked him up and they’d walk around New York, sometimes stopping at a coffee shop or a McDonalds to eat and sometimes, if the weather allowed them, they roamed around exploring the city and finding new places. Bin would always pretend to take pictures of their surroundings but he secretly (or not so secretly since Dongmin seemed to notice every time) always made sure the older fit in the frame too.

They held hands more often than not, smiling at each other as if the world didn’t exist anymore, and Bin was so gone.

 

«It’s a good day today» Dongmin said one Saturday, eyes up looking at a cloudy (but not snowy yet) sky. They were sitting on a bench in Central Park, sipping on their coffee and enjoying the beautiful view that park offered in winter.

«It really is» Bin answered, thinking about how yes, Central Park was truly beautiful, but his best friend sitting next to him was breathtaking. Their free hands were interlocked on Dongmin’s lap, and Bin wondered how that scene would look like from an outsider point of view. Probably like two boyfriends, two cute boyfriends enjoying a rare not-so-cold day in New York’s winter. _That could be the truth,_ said a voice in his had that sounded weirdly like his mother, _if you stopped being a coward and tell him what you feel._

Next to him Dongmin sighed and rested his head on Bin’s shoulder, scooting closer with his body.

«You cold?»

«Nah, just tired is all...»

Bin turned his head to leave a kiss on Dongmin’s hair affectionately before speaking.

«Tough day? Wanna talk about it?»

He heard another sigh, a few seconds of silence, and then Dongmin finally spoke. «Tough week, to be honest. A few old clients of my colleagues kept coming every day complaining about God knows what, they made a huge mess cause my colleagues were forced to look for their files, also they apparently can’t keep a low voice so now I have a headache and on top of it all there’s this colleague that won’t stop hitting on me, no matter how many times I politely decline a date or tell him I’m not interested…so yeah, it was a tough week»

Bin felt his own body stiffen at the mention of this “colleague”. Who was he and why did he think he could try and steal his best friend –scratch that, his best friend _and_ crush of a lifetime? He had already made a mistake once, he let Dongjun enter their lives and break Dongmin’s heart, he wasn’t going to let it happen again, not now that he finally acknowledged his feelings.

«Do you want me to come to your office and give this idiot a piece of my mind? He won’t want to hit on you ever again after that, trust me»

Dongmin chuckled. «Oh, please! I have to work with him, I don’t want you to turn into Godzilla again and punch him like you did with Dongjun that time. I can deal with him, okay?»

“Deal with him”. Bin surely hoped it meant he would keep saying no, cause the bare thought of Dongmin with someone that wasn’t him (again) made him want to throw up.

«Binnie…you’re still stiff. What, are you jealous?» the older joked, but Bin answered before he could filter his words.

«What if I was?»

Dongmin didn’t answer. Bin turned to look at him, afraid he’d messed up, only to find his face closer that he thought it would be –and he was staring at him too, a small smile softening his features even more.

They knew each other like the back of their hands, to the point that staring into each other’s eyes they understood what they couldn’t bring themselves to say out loud. And Bin knew far too well that Dongmin had always been better at reading him, so he also knew his best friend saw right through him in that moment, too.

He kept silent though and raised his head so he could lean his forehead against Bin’s and then closed his eyes. Bin mirrored him, enjoying the intimacy of that gesture, the way Dongmin’s bangs tickled his skin softly, and his sweet scent which seemed to be surrounding him even more.

«Don’t worry» Dongmin said after a while, Bin could feel him smiling through his words «I wouldn’t want anyone else»

The smile that found its way on Bin’s face was better than a million words.

That night Bin didn’t need to slip inside Dongmin’s bed since they didn’t seem to be able to part from each other. When it was time for them to go sleep Dongmin simply followed him in his room and laid down with him, waiting for him to settle down before resting his head on Bin’s chest. His heart sped up instantly and Dongmin smiled as he obviously noticed.

Neither of them said anything for a long while, their breathing slowly eased down and right when Bin started to think Dongmin had fallen asleep he finally talked.

«Since when?» he asked. He didn’t need to explain himself. Just like that afternoon at the park, he knew Bin would get him.

It still took him a while to answer.

«I…don’t know actually. Could’ve been that time you saved my life when we were 10 to be honest, or a lot of other times…I hadn’t noticed until my mom made me notice though».

That made Dongmin chuckle. «Of course your mom made you notice…god, that’s so _you_. When did she made you notice then?»

«Umm…the day I came out to them, and I didn’t even believe her at first..until she said to me that giving up your everything to give a better life to your best friend isn’t exactly a “best friend” thing, then I realised…I realised all my troubled feelings, the jealousy towards Dongjun, my overprotecting nature towards you…all of it made sense under that new light. So…yeah».

«I never really thanked you for that…»

«For what?»

«Saving me. Getting me away from that world» Dongmin raised his head to smile at him and Bin smiled back fondly, tracing his  gorgeous features with his thumb. He was so lucky.

«What about you?» he finally asked. Dongmin took a while to talk as well.

«I…it was a long process for me too. I think it’s normal though, we’ve always been friends, too close friends, so our feelings for each other were always special. Dongjun noticed and he couldn’t stand you because of it, he couldn’t understand why…why we were like that. Nobody really could, not even ourselves. Then…the fact that my house, my childhood home, didn’t feel like home anymore. I felt home only in the weekends, only when you were there with me…but I still thought nothing about it. I mean…it was just us, you know? Nothing weird. But when you did what you did…when we were packing to move here, and when we finally did…I kept getting these weird feelings, the urge to hug you more and cuddle you more and…just being more with you in general, and I still didn’t get it. Because…I kept comparing those feelings with what I felt with Dongjun, thinking it couldn’t be love cause…well, cause it wasn’t the same. It felt different, it felt familiar, and that wasn’t what I had labelled under the world love».

He took a deep breath. Bin was listening, hands roaming slowly up and down Dongmin’s back. He could hear Dongmin’s breathing on his chest, so close to him, and felt like he understood every word he said cause he felt the same things, and he loved it.

Dongmin continued. «But then I realised that it couldn’t feel the same as it was with him, cause it was…well, with you. I have known you all my life, I know you like the back of my hand. You are not just a random person I fell in love with…you are my home. Of course it would feel different. And then…I noticed you felt the same as I did, just…you were way less subtle at it than I was. Even if you probably didn’t notice».

Bin was speechless for a while. He thought of a way to answer properly, to express how he actually felt –so happy, as if he could be flying, and so in love he was ready to shout it out to the whole world.

Instead, he said it to the perfect man between his arms.

«I love you». Dongmin smiled.

«I love you too».

«This ruins the fairytale mood, but…can I kiss you?»

The older didn’t bother replying. Instead he leaned closer and kissed him, slow and sweet. It was their first kiss, and it still felt so familiar, like Dongmin had said. Like home.

Bin ran a hand through his hair and let it linger on his nape to keep him close.

They parted for a few seconds to catch their breaths and went right back to kissing, as if they couldn’t get enough of each other.

Dongmin looked stunning in the dark room only lightened up by the moonlight.

«You’re gorgeous» it slipped out of Bin’s mouth before he knew it, and Dongmin smiled before nipping at his lower lip.

«Could say the same about you» he answered, barely a whisper on his lips before he leaned down and kissed him again. Bin had never gotten kisses like that. Dongmin kissed with passion, with love, and it felt even better than Bin thought. He hoped he could kiss him back with that same passion, cause it was an addicting feeling and he refused to stop. But stopping didn’t cross Dongmin’s mind either, and he couldn’t be more happy. In a matter of minutes, Bin found himself craving the way Dongmin’s tongue moved against his, slow and steady, never too rushed, as if they had all the time in the world. Those breathtaking kisses were making him feel dizzy, but whenever he pulled away to let them both breathe he barely had a second before Dongmin attacked his lips once again, making him want more and more.

They barely got any sleep that night, but they didn’t regret a single thing.

 

«Binnie, stop staring at me and check our noodles, please»

« _How_ exactly am I supposed to “stop staring” when you look so gorgeous while chopping vegetables?»

«…your brain is weird. You know that right?»

«You love it though!»

«I love you, not your weird ass brain. _Please_ check those noodles or we won’t have dinner».

Bin kept staring at him, stirring the pot blindly, and he was sure he saw Dongmin’s eyes widening.

He dropped the knife and went to him in a second, taking the ladle from him and pushing him away from the pot.

«Did you just do that on my watch, Moon Bin?»

Bin chuckled, unbothered, and hugged him from behind, chin resting on Dongmin’s shoulder.

«Look at you…all worried for me»

«It’s serious Binnie, what if you get burnt? You are a disaster, I can’t have you in the kitchen while I cook I knew it»

«You say it every time, but then I whine and pout and you let me in again»

«That’s cause you are an idiot!»

«Not what you were saying last night, though…» this time, Dongmin blushed and stayed silent. Bin smirked, eyes lingering a little too much on that small red sign on Dongmin’s collarbone. He knew there was another one, and another, and another, all hidden by the loose shirt he was wearing. Somehow, the thought that the both of them now had signs that screamed they belonged to each other made him smile and cling to him a bit more.

«Why am I with you again?»

«Uh, cause you love me?» Bin offered, his smile getting bigger when Dongmin turned off the fire and leaned in to kiss him, smiling when the younger kissed back and ran a hand up his arm.

«Correct» he whispered on his lips, making him giggle.

Bin’s phone suddenly rang, interrupting their lazy kisses and startling them both.

«Your mother?» Dongmin asked, and smiled when Bin nodded happily. «We can finally tell her the news»

«She’ll cry, I’m telling you» Bin said, answering the video call right away. «Mum!!»

«Sweetie! How are you? Is Dongmin there?» Dongmin joined Bin, getting close so they could both fit in the camera.

«Hi Mrs Moon!»

«Ah, Dongmin, how many times do I have to tell you to just call me by name or mum?» she scolded him, but with a big caring smile on her face.

«Mum, you know he’ll never do it, get over it I’m your only son!» Bin nagged, making both her and Dongmin laugh.

«I was just hoping to get a better son, Binnie!»

«Really?! I’m offended! And to think I wanted to tell you great news today, but I’ll just keep them to myself now…» that got his mother’s attention.

«You wouldn’t do that, Binnie…come on, tell everything to your favourite woman in the world!»

«How do you know you’re my favourite?»

«Bin, you still think girls have cooties». Dongmin burst out laughing at that, and maybe Bin stared a bit too much and his mother had to snap her fingers loudly to get his attention back.

«So Bin? These news?» she asked, but she looked like she had all the answers. She was already smiling.

«Right. So…me and Dongmin…»

«We’re finally together» Dongmin completed for him, smiling so widely Bin thought everyone in New York could see it. He fought the urge to kiss him and turned to see his mother’s reaction.

As expected, her smile was mirroring Dongmin’s.

«Finally! I told you it was going to be okay Bin, didn’t I? When did it happen? How?»

Dongmin answered, ignoring Bin’s whining “muuum”. «A couple of days ago, we just…understood it I guess»

«I knew it…I’m so happy for you both, you deserve it. Dongmin…take care of my son, okay?»

The said boy looked at the younger, smiling fondly. «I will, Mrs Moon».

«Jesus, I’ll leave you two to your world. I’ve been calling for two minutes and I already feel like a third wheel»

«Bye, mum!» Bin said chuckling, and then closed the call only to throw himself  in Dongmin’s arms, which wrapped around him instantly. There, surrounded by his boyfriend’s scent, Bin felt the happiest he’d ever felt.

«I’m so glad she is on our side» he managed to say after a while.

«I knew she would be…she was always the sweetest, even when we were younger…do you remember?»

«Yeah, I do. Best mum in the world» Dongmin hummed in agreement, leaving random kisses on Bin’s hair. The latter let himself get carried away by the relaxing feeling, closing his eyes.

He was beginning to drift off when he remembered something. Something that made his eyes fly open immediately.

«Love?»

«Hmm?»

«Did I just have a video call with my mother, with a big purple hickey on my damn neck?»

«I think so, yeah»

«…why the hell didn’t you tell me?!»

Dongmin didn’t answer. Instead, his laugh filled Bin’s ears.

He had decided to fake anger, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He settled better on Dongmin’s chest, listening to his favourite sound in the world.

 

_Home._


	2. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse of Bin and Dongmin's life after a few years.  
> Fluff included.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am again with the promised Epilogue! I have nothing to say except: enjoy!

Bin checked the time on his watch, sighing and hugging Dongmin closer.

«We have less than a hour left, Minnie…» said boy chuckled from his spot on Bin’s chest and looked up, a teasing smile on his lips.

«You talk as if you haven’t checked the time every five minutes since you dropped him there, liar»

«That doesn’t mean I don’t want time to cuddle you!»

«We can cuddle later, with him as well» Dongmin calmly reasoned, and chuckled again when his husband made a whiny sound.

«He steals you!»

«Oh my God, Bin, are you sure _he’s_ the kid? Not you? We might want to check…»

Bin pushed him, letting out a laugh as Dongmin pushed him back and they started a mini fight, as if they were 10 all over again.

Bin liked to think they matured over the years. He said that on their wedding day too, in front of their guest (his mother was there too, teary-eyed and looking the happiest she’d ever been) but the truth was that whenever he and Dongmin were together he forgot it all. He forgot about keeping his mature image, and they ended up behaving like kids again. Because that was how it had always been between them.

Only their son had changed that.

When they adopted Minhyuk he was a lively 3-year-old, he never stood still for more than three minutes and they instantly knew he was fated to be their little boy.

Now he was 6 and even happier than before, they were so in love with him, and when Minhyuk showed interest in dance and asked them to take him to lessons Bin felt like crying.

That day was his first lesson, he had chosen contemporary for a start and they both couldn’t wait to hear how it went.

That was why after barely a hour they were both at the entrance of the arts academy they chose for their boy, waiting for him to get out of his class.

Nearly five minutes later Minhyuk was running towards them, holding his little backpack with one hand and his favourite Iron Man toy with the other. Bin kneeled down to meet him in a messy hug, making the boy laugh.

«Hi, baby» he said cheerfully as his son proceeded to hug Dongmin  «how was your first lesson?»

«Hi daddy! Hi papa! It was gooood, I want to come back! I can come back right?»

«Of course you can, little champion» Dongmin combed his hair fondly as he spoke «You have lessons twice every week, but if you really like them we can add more. How’s the teacher?»

«He’s a boy like me! He told me I’m the only boy…but that’s fine cause girls are nice and no one will pick on me»

«They only have to try..» Bin started, but was abruptly stopped by Dongmin’s glare. Their son looked at them a bit confused, but seemed to forget it when his papa turned to him again and he was smiling. Bin scoffed as quietly as he could. _Talk about double personality._

«Don’t worry, sweetie» Dongmin was saying «nobody will pick on you. Daddy dances too, and no one picks on him right? It’s the same. It doesn’t matter if you’re a boy, what matters is that you’re happy»

«I know, papa! And I’m reaaally happy!» Minhyuk hugged his papa again and Bin watched them, a loving smile on his lips.

A loud cheerful voice interrupted their cute moment.

«MINHYUK! Hi!» a little boy, more or less the same age as their son, walked towards them and hugged Minhyuk, who hugged back giggling.

«Hi Sanha! You finish now too?»

«Yes!! Mummy came to get me!»

The kid talked with a loud voice and giggled after every sentence, which made him even cuter.

«Who’s your new friend, Minhyuk?» Bin asked, smiling down at the two boys.

«Daddy, he’s Sanha! He is only five, he says he plays guitar! Sanha, he’s daddy, and he’s papa!»

The boy looked at the two men, confusion evident in his face.

«Wait…where’s your mama?»

«Uh, I don’t…have a mama. I have daddy, and papa..» Minhyuk sounded a bit strange, as if he was disappointed or frustrated, so Dongmin put a hand on his little shoulder to soothe him.

Right then, Sanha’s mother got closer, taking his son by the hand.

«Sanha» she began, flashing a smile towards Bin and Dongmin «remember when some time ago your dad told you that love can be everywhere? Even between two boys and two girls?»

«Yeah…»

«Yeah, so if they want they can have a baby too, right?»

Sanha’s face lit up, as if he had just understood a mysterious secret. «Oh! So you two» he pointed at Dongmin and Bin «are married! Right? Dad said you can!»

Minhyuk seemed relieved now, and he was smiling up at his fathers with his usual happiness.

«Yes, we’re married» Dongmin smiled at the curious boy, who just nodded and went back to chatting with Minhyuk.

«Thank you» Bin said to Sanha’s mother «for what you said. It was truly appreciated».

«Oh, don’t even mention it!» the woman smiled, and she looked so much like her son it was almost funny. «We’re teaching him about equality, it’s not easy but we’re sure he will understand. Kids are so much smarter than we think».

«Absolutely. Uh, I guess we’ll see each other soon, since our children seem to be best friend already…» Dongmin added, making both Bin and the woman smile.

«I guess so! Come on, Sanha, we need to go» she took her son’s hand again and greeted Bin and Dongmin, then waited for Sanha to do the same with his new friend and soon enough she was gone.

«Come on, Minhyuk, let’s go. We have to go see your soon-to-be sister, remember?» Bin said cheerfully, and let the kid jump in his arms so he could carry him to their car.

«Yes! Do you think she will be happy to see me? Us?»

«Of course she will, honey. I bet she can’t wait till they allow us to take her home!»

«Can she do dance with me papa?»

«Uh, I don’t know honey, she’s only 2! But when she grows up she’ll do sports too, whatever she likes»

«I hope she likes dance» Minhyuk mumbled, settling better on Bin’s shoulder and closing his eyes.

The walk to the car wasn’t longer than five minutes, but by the time they got there Minhyuk was sound asleep.

«Don’t wake him up» Dongmin said, pecking his son’s forehead affectionately «let him sleep until we stop by the foster house».

 

 

Entering that building was like a déjà-vu for both of them. Minhyuk kept glancing left and right from Bin’s arms, but it was impossible to get if he remembered something or if he was just being his curious little self.

When they first met him he was only two, smaller than any other kid in the foster house, and awfully quiet for a kid his age. At least around adults. The educators had told them his parents had died in a car crash while he was at a day-care for one day, and after that he had gone to live there. He barely talked to anyone except for the kids. When he thought there was no adult around he became a different person, the quietness he seemed to live with was forgotten and he played normally. Nobody knew why he was so shy with adults, what mattered was he still had brightened up when Bin had passed him a little toy to play together, smiling with his signature puppy smile. Then, he and Dongmin kept visiting him until they were finally done with all the documents and papers, and they finally took him home.

Bin could feel a headache just by thinking at all those damn documents again, but he knew it was worth it.

«Minhyuk» Dongmin softly said, catching his son’s attention «see that little blonde girl over there? She’ll be your sister in a bit!» As if she was called by her name, the little girl glanced up at them from her toy, bright green eyes studying curiously the three new persons around. The educators had told them she had been there from birth, and she was one of the liveliest in there.

Minhyuk wiggled his body so Bin would let him down and ran towards her, ignoring all the previous recommendations from his fathers to be calm and to walk for once instead of running. They hurried behind him to hear (and try to control a little bit) what he was saying.

«I’m Minhyuk» he introduced himself.

«Rachel» she answered, still studying him. Bin supposed she was trying to understand why his eyes were almond shaped, since there wasn’t any other Asian child in the foster house. Or maybe she just wasn’t at ease with an unfamiliar toddler who randomly introduced himself.

Whatever it was she got over it quickly and handed him the cubes she was playing with before they arrived.

«Tower» she simply said, and Minhyuk sat next to her and began helping her. They took turns on placing cubes one above the others, and tried to make the tower as high as possible.

Their record (Dongmin was the official “cube counter” according to Minhyuk) was 7.

 

 

 

 

 

«So, what do you think of Rachel, Minhyuk?» they asked him once they got home. He was sitting at the kitchen table, calmly drawing something on a paper. Bin couldn’t tell what it was, but Minhyuk was putting extra effort on it so he assumed they would hang the thing on the fridge anyway.

«Nice» he answered, still focused on his drawing. «She plays with cubes too, so she’s good».

Right. Bin wasn’t about to question his son’s standards, he had learnt to accept his weird principles long ago.

Dongmin looked at him with an amused smile, and Bin he was thinking exactly the same thing as him. Minhyuk didn’t say anything after that, too invested in whatever it was he was drawing, so Dongmin moved his chair closer to Bin’s and rested his head on his shoulder.

Funny how some things always stayed the same, no matter how many years passed.

Bin wrapped his arm around his waist and left a sweet kiss on Dongmin’s hair, as to say it was okay for him to talk.

«He seems to really like her» he finally said softly «I thought he could be jealous, at least a little bit».

«Nah, he’s chill» Bin answered, moving slowly the hand resting on Dongmin’s hip to calm him down «He knows we’d never push him away, he has no reason to be jealous…maybe it will be weird for him at the beginning, especially if he has to share his cuddles in the morning, but I’m sure it will be okay. Our boy is really smart».

When Dongmin answered he could feel the smile in his words. «How do you always know the right words to say to reassure me?»

Bin kept smiling and pulled his husband closer, leaving kisses on his forehead fondly. «The same way _you_ seem to always have the right words to reassure _me._ »

Dongmin turned his head to place a sweet kiss on his lips, still smiling that soft smile Bin was so in love with.

Their little moment was interrupted by Minhyuk.

«Daddies» he called, the way he did when he wanted both of them to give him attention. He had dropped his crayon and was looking at them seriously, as if what he had to say was the most important thing  in the world.

_Probably in his head it is,_ Bin thought briefly.

«Yes, honey?»

«Do you think Sanha would like Rachel?»

«Sanha? Your new friend from the music school?»

«He’s not my “new friend”, papa. Kids at school are my new friends. He’s my best friend!»

«But…didn’t you meet him just today?»

«So? Dad said you two became best friends in an afternoon!» Bin laughed at that, and turned to face Dongmin.

«He’s already learning to use information against us»

«Yeah, truly his father’s son» Dongmin mocked him, causing Bin to laugh even more. Minhyuk didn’t seem to understand what was so funny, so he kept his serious expression and that had Bin laughing even more.

«Forgive your dad, baby. He’s a big fool» Dongmin said, winking at Minhyuk who finally gave them a smile.

«Hey!!» but his protest was ignored, since the kid had started talking again.

«So? Do you think he would like Rachel?»

«I don’t know him that well but sure, why shouldn’t he like her?»

«I don’t know, but if she is going to be my sister my best friend has to like her too, right?»

«He will, sweetie» Bin finally said, deciding to drop his protests (since he was just going to be ignored anyway) «she’s adorable, and he seemed to be adorable too, they’ll get along just fine».

«Right!» Minhyuk said, his eyes were bright once again «he is adorable as well!»

«How did you meet him, love?» Bin asked, curious as always.

«He was waiting with me in the dance room before lesson, he said his mummy was talking to his teacher, and they took long so we became friends! He’s really funny, and he laughs when I talk, too… I really like him! He said we’ll be best friends forever and that he’ll make music with his guitar so I can dance to it, isn’t that really good?»

«That’s…so sweet honey» Dongmin said, smiling at his son who now seemed almost relieved and went back to his drawing.

Now that it was more defined Bin could tell it was a boy with a guitar, and that made him smile even more than he already was.

 

 

«Daddies» Minhyuk called again after a while, when it was almost time to start cooking dinner and Dongmin was ready to kick his husband and son out of the kitchen. His drawing was almost done.

«We’re here, darling. What is it?»

«What if…» he looked thoughtful, almost as if he was trying to make up a difficult thing in his mind «What if I want to marry a boy too when I’m grown up? What if I want to marry Sanha?»

The two men looked at each other for a moment before Dongmin kneeled down to be at Minhyuk’s level, looking at him smiling.

«If you really want to marry a boy when you’re older then you can, baby. You don’t have to be afraid or worried about anything, okay? You can marry whoever you love, it doesn’t matter if it’s a boy, or a girl» his eyes glanced up at Bin for a second «or your best friend. Whoever you want, Minhyuk. Okay?» Bin nodded along, to make their son understand he thought that too, and he smiled happily, going back to the bright happy boy he always was. Bin lifted him and turned to face Dongmin, whose eyes were a bit watery. He caressed his cheek to make him smile, knowing his touch was enough to distract his husband from whatever bad thought about the past he was having at that moment.

«I love you» he whispered gently, making him smile again.

«I love you too. Both of you!» he smiled at Minhyuk too, who giggled and sent him a kiss in response. «But now out of my kitchen, or we won’t eat dinner tonight!»

That threat was enough to have both Bin and Minhyuk rush out of the room laughing. Minhyuk was put down again so he could run to the living room, his laughs echoing in the whole house.

He began dancing again whatever he learnt on his lesson, showing the moves to his daddy.

As Bin watched him and thought about the conversation they just had, he was suddenly flashed with memories of something his mother told him once, something he didn’t remember until that moment.

 

_A good parent just feels these kind of things, you know?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand, it's done.  
> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed reading about baby Minhyuk just as much as I enjoyed writing about him!  
> As I said before, if you have questions about the characters of this story or want to know more about something that happened just leave me a comment and maybe I'll write more about those!  
> I have Twitter (@wannaseehim) if you want to chat.  
> Till then, bye darlings!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I'm so happy if you reached the end!  
> I want to say, I have a really short epilogue (about 2k words) for this fic. I'll post it soon, don't worry it's even sweeter than this one! I loved writing about these two, so if you have some questions or requests about some scenes that you want to read in a more specific way (since lots of them were a bit vague, especially for the childhood part) you can write a comment and ask me to write some more!  
> Or if you just liked it and want to let me know then please do because I'm an anxious person so I'm doubting myself as I write this lol  
> Thank you so much for reading!  
> by the way, I have twitter ( @wannaseehim ) come scream at me about anything!  
> Bye Arohas ~


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